Losing Time + Courage Boost

 I'm sitting here just watching the clock tick the minutes away... and really wishing I could just stop time completely.  I feel like that's what I need in order to get everything done.  Literally watching that time slip away right before my eyes just makes me think about all that stuff that I've either been too lazy to do, or just haven't had the time to even start.  It would help if I could win the lottery or suddenly find myself swimming in money so that I wouldn't have to work at all!  Let's face it, that in itself is a major time-killer. 😅  Usually feels like it's all for nothing also.  Just the same old shit, different days.  I'm really not meaning to sound so bitter though.  Lol.

So I'm working from home today because my office building will be testing out security alarms all day... I really miss the times when we did this for at least 50-75% of the month.  I felt like I could get so much more stuff done around the house, along with updating this blog as well.

I do feel like I've been more productive when it comes to reading though.  I don't have the specific amount of books that I've read this year, but I think it's been more than my previous attempts.  Have you ever been... scared to read a book?  Scared isn't the right word... maybe "apprehensive" describes the feeling better.  See, there's this brilliant TV show called The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart that I saw in 2023... and it just absolutely resonated with me on a deeply personal level - in both good and 'bad' ways (some particular scenes are VERY difficult for me to watch).  I found out that it was a book... and had it on my radar to read for awhile afterwards (because you know how much detail they have to omit for television/film adaptations), but I guess I had to build up the courage to actually buy it (which sounds ridiculous, I know).  And now that I have, it is slightly scary to me, because of how much I know it's going to bring up some old memories that I would rather leave buried in the past.  I'm still working up that same courage to start reading it...

Life moved and I stopped to taste it...

First off, happy birthday to my late mother-in-law, Elizabeth!  You have been missed SO much these almost 4 years, and I wish I could hear your words of wisdom just one more time.

 Life moves too quickly.  I can't believe we are already more than halfway into the 8th month of 2024.  When we're young, we just can't wait for the years to pass by until we are older, then when that finally happens, we wonder how we missed it all.  Life just seems cruel that way.  And I have never been prepared for how fast it's moving lately.

I realize that I completely failed to do any posting whatsoever in 2023.  Considering how incredibly shitty of a year it was... I am going to give myself a pass on that.  I won't go into too many details, but... it was just too filled with death.  I also can't believe it's already been well over a year since we lost Dozer, our great dane.  Our house was so empty without his presence.  I can still see his face, locking eyes with mine for the last time, as he let out one quick yelp and was gone forever.  I like to think he was telling me he loved me in that moment, and that everything was going to be okay. 💙🐾 He's forever in my heart.

We also lost Reno early in that year, our long-time family friend that we'd been taking care of and helping out in his older age.  He was so incredibly independent and hated asking for help, but we were grateful that he ended up letting us do exactly that.  He was also one of the most generous and nicest people I've ever had the pleasure to know.  It was a very difficult loss.  I still find myself in slight denial that he's really gone.  He was such a staple in our lives for as long as I have lived here in California.

Life has been much quieter around here for the past year and a half--especially around the holidays, but we are learning to adjust.  I'm going to try and post here more often, and actually stick to it this time.  I PROMISE!