Speaking of Friends...

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Ugh, if I'd only known what I was going to find out later that night (yesterday). 😞  Let's just say I was reminded why I don't get close to people.  But I let my guard down and it happened, and now I'm paying the price.

It sucks when you have to forcibly realize that someone you considered a good friend is nothing more than someone who will eventually forget you completely.  This has been happening gradually for the past few months, but it all came crashing down yesterday, and it hit me that this person really does not care.  I'm kicking myself for being so stupid that I let myself believe otherwise.  And this feeling right here is the exact reason why I keep myself at a distance from others, apart from a very select few that have already proven their worth and earned that place in my life. 

The sad thing is that a part of me felt this was bound to happen, from the moment we met.  I just ignored it and hoped for the best.  And look where that got me.  I'll remember next time.

Friend of a Friend...

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Well... again, I went and got my hopes up for having motivation to post more often and I somehow lost it all.  I seriously need time to just stand still while I catch up on everything... it's no joke that time ticks on so much more quickly as you get older. 😒

So I randomly found out last week that an old friend has become friends with an ex-boyfriend of mine.  And I'm not sure how I feel about that... other than I don't like it.  I know it's inevitable that he will possibly encounter people that I know, given that they are all still in the same area, and I know I cannot dictate who my friends can be friends with (nor do I want to), but considering that it's this particular ex... the whole thing just unnerves me; I can't help it.  And I'm not even as close of friends as I used to be with this person... I just don't like knowing that they know each other, and knowing that my ex still tries to contact me from time to time, wanting to be friends, even though he should know that is completely impossible.  Ugh.  Damn relationship drama coming back to bite me, even after all these years.  Though I know it's my own fault for letting it get to me in the first place.  But like I said... I just can't help it.  My mind just cannot seem to grasp the concept of letting it slip away so easily.  Story of my life...

Anyway... now that that has put a damper on my day... I'm going to go do something fun to combat this feeling. 😉

Spontaneous Saturday Soiree

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First off, happy birthday to my friend and partner-in-crime in Nexus, Matt!  Or "Cause" as he is known within the game. 😄🎂🎈🎁  He is definitely a unique kind of person and so fun to talk to.  I've known him for the better part of a decade and he's never failed to make me laugh.  I hope he's having a wonderful day, whatever he ends up doing!

My day started with a trip out to the farmer's market for breakfast and a bunch of tasty fruits to take home with us. It's getting hotter out here as well, which I'm not excited about, but I can't really do anything to change it, other than pick up and move.  Haha.  I wish I was more of a fan of the hot weather, but I'd just much rather be freezing and have the ability to bundle on more clothes and blankets, rather than the alternative! 😓

Anyway. We got spontaneously invited to the dirt track racing craziness tonight with my brother-in-law, so that's the plan for my Saturday night. It's actually been pretty fun the few times that I've gone. That's all I have for today.

I Don't Have a Title Handy...

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First off, how is it already May?!?  😶  Maybe this will be the month where I finally keep up with posting EVERY DAY. 😜

So.  I realize that I've missed quite a few days lately.  I just haven't been feeling particularly very chatty.  I've also been busy in Nexus, getting more involved in one of the clans I'm in, amidst trying desperately to find people to gain some experience with, so that I can finally advance my highest rogue to the next level.  I recently upgraded some of my armor as well, with newer items that have been released since I last played... and at an incredibly high expense, but I'm hoping it's worth the extra damage that I'll do.  I just need to find people to help me test it out!  But it's highly frustrating and I'm finding that you have to have friends within the game to really get steady experience, at least as a rogue, especially with how warriors completely dwarf the rogue.  And most of the friends that I knew back in the old days when I played more, have since moved on.  Except for one, which has been great whenever he's online and able to hunt, but our schedules just don't collide that often.  So I've now just given up trying to hunt as much with a group and mainly just solo when I can.  It's incredibly slow, and I have to be in the right mood to do it, but I guess it's better than nothing!

However, I've forgotten how addicting the game can be as well.  Sometimes I wish I could be on there all the time, and not have the hubby get mad at me for ignoring him, haha.  The last time I really actively played, I was living alone in my own apartment, going to college and working part-time.  I wasn't single, BUT the guy I was dating also played the game, so it didn't feel like I was ignoring him when I spent most of my free time there.

Anyway... this is probably a pretty boring post for anyone who reads this, as I'm sure you don't play the game, so I'll just shut up now.  Haha.  I'm getting excited for my mom's visit in 8 days!!!  Not so excited for the massive cleaning that I still have to get done though, in the meantime... 😒😫

Pining for the Past

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So, I know I missed quite a few days since my last post.  I just haven't really felt like detailing every day lately, so that's the reason I'm going with.  Let's just leave it at that.

Yesterday, I played around with Discord a bit, creating a dedicated server for my forum, mainly because I wanted to get more familiar with the program and stuff, since I'm still a slight newbie.  And I really like it.  So much more than Skype!  Plus, the phone app doesn't drain my battery the way that Skype's did.  I made a graphic for my forum's 14th anniversary as well, which I used when creating an event on Facebook, to try and get some more activity there.  Facebook also reminded me that I'd become friends with one of my original members 10 years ago, so I shared that with her and we got to talking and she ended up coming back to the forum AND joining the Discord server also! 😁 Which makes me happy.  I really miss the old days and her being back makes me reminisce on how it used to be with forum-ing, before Facebook & other social media took over.  I so wish I could bring that back again.

I woke up with my arm hurting a bit this morning, and after a few brief moments of confusion, I realized it's from yesterday when I was outside with Dozer and he went for something that he saw on the side of the house (probably a cat), yanking my arm suddenly, so much that it felt like he pulled it out of socket... but luckily for me, I still have some of my muscle relaxant medication, so I took one dose, because my neck was hurting a bit this morning as well.  Ugh.

Annoying way to start my day.  And I fear that it's only going to get worse, but that's another story entirely.  One that I'd rather not get into right now.  Or ever. 😠

Hodgepodge of Feelings

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(Isn't that such a curious word?!  I just couldn't resist.)

Sooo, I finally got the hubby to agree to watch Me Before You last night, after a little over 1½ years of constantly asking him to watch it with me.  And after it was over, he has the nerve to say "That was a good movie, why didn't we watch it sooner?!"  Haha.  And it was such a good movie!  I won't lie, my eyes got misty more than once, which I had already expected they would.  Sweet, yet utterly heart-breaking at the same time, but with a few scenes of comic relief added into the mix.  I loved the chemistry between Lou & Will also, even from their first meeting.  I liked that he ended up falling for her, after the type of guy he'd been before his accident.  And Emilia Clarke did such an amazing job of portraying the infinitely happy, sweet and quirky Louisa!

I found today that it's sometimes difficult to be friends with someone that you have such a long history with.  Someone who knew you way back when you were a teenager and also as an adult and all the times in between... I know I'm not the same person I was back then, and it's just kind of weird (that's not the right word, but it's all I've got right now) to me to know someone who knew both versions of myself.  It also kind of sucks, especially if they cannot seem to let go of the past, and you tend to find them constantly, whether they are conscious of it or not, triggering reminders of things that you just want to forget. 😒

On a brighter note, here's a shout-out to my friend and most loyal reader, Mandy, since it's her birthday today!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY (again)!!! 😄🎈🎂 I hope you've had such a great day so far and been able to spend it doing the things that you love.

Definitely, Maybe...

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Sooo, yes I know, I missed a day.  However, I'm giving myself a pass because 1) I was in too much pain all day, with other things on my mind, to even be thinking about writing a blog post and 2) nothing really blog-worthy happened. 😜 I think I may just give myself one or two freebies a month like that, because there are just some days that are utterly boring and not fun to write about, and even less fun to read.

Anyway, one of my all-time favorite movies is 2008's Definitely, Maybe.  I haven't seen it in awhile and I needed some noise while I worked, so I had it play in the background today.  I love this movie so much, simply for its title, because I've always been so indecisive and I used to say that phrase all the time, before the movie was even made, or at least a variation of it.  Funny coincidence, one of the main characters (Isla Fisher) is named April too! 😊 One thing I love about the movie is how real it is, regarding relationships and their complicated and somewhat unstable nature.

Searching for Excitement within the Mundane

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So... I feel like the momentum of the first week of daily posting is slightly wearing off now.  There was this sense of excitement in finding things to write about every day, but now I feel it slowly tapering off...

Anyway, I seem to be getting involuntarily plowed with a heavy dose of nostalgia lately.  It hit me this morning that this year marks twenty years that I've known my first real online friend, when we were both at the tender age of 15 years old.  We met initially through ICQ, which dates how long ago it was (1998) and we've stayed really good friends throughout all these years.  Nowadays he doesn't do social media at any level, nor really the internet in general, so he will most likely never see this.  But we've still managed to keep in touch, despite that.  It's just crazy how fast time flies by, once you stop and think about it.

First Week Recap

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Today marks my first full week of daily writing in this blog!  I have to admit, I was skeptical that I would actually be able to find things to write about every day, but once I started, I forgot how quickly the words start flowing.  I remember back in my early 20's, I used to have a blog just like this, where I wrote every day, but I also had LOTS more drama in my daily life, what with figuring out relationships (not to mention myself) and frustrations in my job and everything that comes with all that.   I'm thankful that I at least don't have quite so much of that to deal with anymore.  (And I hope I didn't just jinx myself...)

Today is also another birthday, this time for my long-time forum friend, Amanda, whom I've known for... almost 14 years now?!  Wow, I can't believe it's really been that long.  I remember when I first met her on Menix Designs back in 2004, which was my first graphic design forum I joined on Proboards! 😲 We have come so far since those days!  I wish her the happiest of birthdays today, and I hope her day has been going fantastic! 💜