[Not So] Great Expectations

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 So that didn't last long.  I hate starting out my post like this but it's the truth.  I have ended up finishing at least one writing prompt though, and reading one book for the month of January.  I failed on the exercise though.  It's just difficult to be motivated, especially on the weeks that I'm actually leaving the house to work at the office, instead of at home.  (one week out of a three-week rotation)  I'm up between 4-4:30am to start getting ready, drive 35-40 mins to the office, work for [usually a stressful & busy] 8 hours, then a 45 minute drive home.  And it just makes me want to crawl into my house and nap.  

Anyway...

I'm going to start writing a 'history' of my life.  I've realized that there are some specific years that are just hazy and hard to remember, blurring together in my mind... and that bothers me.  Of course, there is a valid reason that I have blocked out these years.  Luckily I have kept up with a journal since I was 13 years old (and I still have them all intact).  Without that, I fear I would not remember anything.  But hopefully, this will be a good way for me to unlock some of those missing memories.  Though I can't guarantee a good outcome of doing so, but at least I'll feel better about it all.

One Year Later...

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... TO THE DAY.  Wow.  So I noticed that my last entry was exactly a year ago, when we lost Guinness.  I can still remember that day as if it was only yesterday.  I was reminded this morning via Google by a sweet photo of him on his last day alive, embraced by my mother-in-law.  Little did I know she would be the next to leave us, only 3 short months later.  It's hard to believe how much things can change in a year.  Well, no, I guess it's not that hard to believe, honestly.  A year is a long time.  A truer statement is that the days go by too fast.  But I don't want to start sounding like a broken record.

We are now a 2-dog household again though, thanks to taking in my mother-in-law's chihuahua Mocha after she passed.  There was no way we were going to just leave her where she was, plus she is the only other dog that Dozer gets along with, so it worked out fine.  And it's interesting having both ends of the size spectrum in the same house. 

As for work, the only thing that has changed since last year is that I am on a three-week rotation where I commute into the office for one week, then work from home for two weeks, and the cycle starts over again.  My week in the office happens to be this one and it's been really draining this time, because my mom just left yesterday morning, after a two-week visit.  I woke up around 3am in order to say goodbye to her and just couldn't get back to sleep.  Same for today, though this time it was due to the hubby having to go into work early.  So I'm tired.  And I miss her already. 😔

Ch-Ch-Changes...

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So I realize that 2020 has gotten away from me... almost entirely, except for that little post back in April.  Which doesn't feel that long ago.  It's scary how fast time flies.  Even during the current pandemic.  Although it has not affected us as much as I'm sure it has others around the world.  The worst it has done for me is caused me to lose my position at Delta Dental, that I started in November of last year.  It happened twice, first in March when it was announced that the full-time workers were being told to work remotely.  Us temps were told that we weren't allowed to do that, so we would just get a mandatory unpaid vacation until resuming on April 7.  Obviously that didn't happen, so they ended up begging us to come back, this time saying we could work remotely, which lasted about 2 weeks before they eventually let us go with (what I think was) some bogus reason that temps were not in their budget.  What sucks is that the job was opening up for a permanent position too, if the virus hadn't hit.  Honestly though, they did me a favor, seeing as the communication between management was majorly lacking.  And I didn't want the stress of dealing with that, day after day anyway.

It also opened up a new opportunity for me to actually work remotely for another company, with much better communication, which is what I've been doing since late April.  And I am no stranger to working from home, so I have really enjoyed being able to do that again.

Anyway, I've also been trying to get back into foruming, via sorting through and fixing links on my forum. [ Shameless plug time >> CYN! ] It's difficult though, seeing as I have nearly 17 years worth of posts to sift through.  Haha.  It also gets me back into spending time in Photoshop again, kinda.  I feel like I've lost sight of my skill in graphic designing since I returned to working out of the house.  Even now that I'm working from home, I feel like I never have any time.

I'm going to stop there, before this gets too long.  Just wanted to post a quick update.  I'm planning to try to write in here more often! 😊  Feel free to leave me a comment with what you've been up to, if you want, whoever happens to stumble across my blog!

Mid-Month Countdown... Initiated

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Well, today marks the middle of the last month that I will be working my current setup.  And I have to say that I am really going to miss this.  No commute whatsoever, except to the kitchen for lunch and back.  Having the dogs as my constant companions, so that they don't have to be cooped up in a crate for the majority of the day.  Being able to conveniently juggle hours around whatever errand or obligation I have going on that week.  Switching off from work mode to play mode within a moment's notice.  True, there have never been any opportunities for advancement within the company, but that was a con that I was willing to accept, in exchange for all of the pros that I just mentioned.  Not that I'm not looking forward to this new chapter in my life... I'd just gotten really comfortable with this sort of work style, in the past six years since I started working primarily for my dad.  And it's bumming me out a bit that I am going to have to let go of that.

Anyway... I've been getting more into WoW lately... mainly because I've been feeling pretty alone most of the time and it's a way to kill time.  I also need to grind out reputation points with various factions to unlock more aspects of the game, so it has taken up a decent chunk of my time doing that.  Of course it also doesn't help that I spend around 80% of my day actually alone, which started last week, since the hubby's work initiated a major project that's been keeping him there until around 8-9pm every night.  Let me tell you, it wreaks havoc on actually trying to schedule any dinner planning at all.  And this eating-dinner-after-8pm most weeknights is not something that I wanna get used to anytime soon. 😒

Impending Work Decisions...

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Okay, so first off, yesterday was great!  The anniversary 'event' of my forum wasn't anything official nor was there anything specifically planned, except for members acknowledging what the day meant for my forum, but it far exceeded any expectations that I had.  Seeing three of my original members return after so many years was just amazing (and of course, all of the other members who visited) and I couldn't stop smiling almost all day. 😁 I love the nostalgia that April 17th always brings and will continue to bring in the future, no matter if my forum still exists or not.

Anyway.  Today's kind of just been an aftermath of the joy and excitement from yesterday, albeit boring, thanks to the tedious nature of my job.  I feel the need to look for something else with every day that passes, however.  Especially since my paycheck was apparently forgotten this month (I still have not received it!), thanks to my brother's... forgetfulness, I guess?  I wish I could just find something that's close to home, preferably as close as I am now, and NOT in retail.  It sucks because whenever I think about it, that's what I feel I'm best at.  And I really don't want to believe that that's the 'best' I have to offer.

I think the reason I feel that way is because of the first job I had, working at a grocery store when I was 15, when my boss told me, right when I walked through the doors of the building, I needed to leave everything outside.  Meaning that my problems or whatever drama I was dealing with at the time remained out there in the parking lot, waiting for me whenever my shift was over.  And I have never forgotten that.  So I became REALLY good at leaving my emotions on the doorstep, and focusing on the job, constantly being cheerful & friendly, and smiling at every customer and making sure they had the best experience possible, no matter what was going on in my own life.  It was easy for me, because I feel that I'm naturally a happy person, but in a way, it kind of set me up for 'failure,' regarding my future jobs.

Happy, But a Little Lost...

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I started out my day with The Scorch Trials playing in the background while I worked, in preparation for tonight's "date night" in going to see the final movie of the Maze Runner trilogy that comes out today, The Death Cure.  We saw the first movie back when it came out in 2014, without having read the books, or even hearing of the series.  And I was hooked, because it's an intriguing storyline that kept me interested enough to want to see what the maze was all about and why they were stuck there.  I plan to read the books also, maybe making it part of my reading challenge, once I've gotten through the Odd Thomas series.

One of my current favorite songs came on the radio earlier when I had to run a small errand.  It was Sir Sly's &Run.  It's one of those songs where the instant I hear it, I can't help but move, in an attempt at dancing, although I know I probably look ridiculous because I can't dance, but when that song's on, I just don't care! 😝 The only other songs that really get me feeling like that have been Finger Eleven's Paralyzer and Walk the Moon's Shut Up and Dance.  There's a more sentimental reason behind Paralyzer, but I won't go into that now.  Back to &Run... I love the lyrics.  Specifically: "Happy, but a little lost..." because that is sometimes exactly how I feel about my life.  Word for word.  And "sometimes the world feels loud."  Which needs no explanation, really... I like the world quiet, and I can't quite deal with it being too loud.