RIP Guinness /|\ 2006 ~ [9/14] 2020

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It's been a difficult few days in our house.  Late Friday afternoon we were faced with that all-too-familiar hard decision of having to say goodbye to this sweet face~

This adorably smug yet charming Irish setter had been a constant in my life since I moved out here to California back in July of 2009, and it wasn't hard to love him.  Especially after hearing how he was rescued from being abandoned in a Nevada home with his brother, and how his antics while living life in a foster home earned him the nickname 'Spiderman.' 

He'd developed a mass over the past 2 months or so that rapidly grew larger over the past month, and our wishful thinking that it wasn't cancer didn't pay off.  We hadn't seen him in much pain, but then again, he wasn't the kind to show it either.  I think he sensed what was happening yesterday though, because we definitely saw the anguish in him, and it was heartbreaking.  And I know it would have been selfish of us, had we not made the decision for him... but I just miss him being here.  The way he'd rest his paw on your arm or leg while you're sitting on the couch, simply for you to hold it.  He'd hold your hand forever if he could.  It makes my heart hurt less knowing that he's no longer suffering through the pain, because he was too good of a dog to prolong that for any reason.  And much like my Brandy waiting for me all those years ago, I know he would have held on to the very last moment for us, if we had let him.

But at least we got to say a proper goodbye over the weekend, and spoil him silly by giving him as much steak and affection and love that we could. 💚🐾💚  We will miss you Guinness, and you'll always hold a special place in our hearts.

Ch-Ch-Changes...

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So I realize that 2020 has gotten away from me... almost entirely, except for that little post back in April.  Which doesn't feel that long ago.  It's scary how fast time flies.  Even during the current pandemic.  Although it has not affected us as much as I'm sure it has others around the world.  The worst it has done for me is caused me to lose my position at Delta Dental, that I started in November of last year.  It happened twice, first in March when it was announced that the full-time workers were being told to work remotely.  Us temps were told that we weren't allowed to do that, so we would just get a mandatory unpaid vacation until resuming on April 7.  Obviously that didn't happen, so they ended up begging us to come back, this time saying we could work remotely, which lasted about 2 weeks before they eventually let us go with (what I think was) some bogus reason that temps were not in their budget.  What sucks is that the job was opening up for a permanent position too, if the virus hadn't hit.  Honestly though, they did me a favor, seeing as the communication between management was majorly lacking.  And I didn't want the stress of dealing with that, day after day anyway.

It also opened up a new opportunity for me to actually work remotely for another company, with much better communication, which is what I've been doing since late April.  And I am no stranger to working from home, so I have really enjoyed being able to do that again.

Anyway, I've also been trying to get back into foruming, via sorting through and fixing links on my forum. [ Shameless plug time >> CYN! ] It's difficult though, seeing as I have nearly 17 years worth of posts to sift through.  Haha.  It also gets me back into spending time in Photoshop again, kinda.  I feel like I've lost sight of my skill in graphic designing since I returned to working out of the house.  Even now that I'm working from home, I feel like I never have any time.

I'm going to stop there, before this gets too long.  Just wanted to post a quick update.  I'm planning to try to write in here more often! 😊  Feel free to leave me a comment with what you've been up to, if you want, whoever happens to stumble across my blog!

{Tuesday Tunes} Test Me

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Playlist: The Art of Procrastination
Song: Test Me
Artist: The xx
Album: I See You [2017]

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I don't know where I went wrong
Tell me, should I see someone?
Ceiling's falling down on me
You look but you never see

Just take it out on me
It's easier than saying what you mean
Test me, see if I break
Tell me this time you've changed
I'll take it out on you
It's easier than talking it through
Test me, see if I stay
How could I walk the other way?

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So, first off, this song was completely new to my ears.  I absolutely LOVE the two other songs that I had previously heard from this album (On Hold and I Dare You) and this song speaks to me just as vibrantly as those do.  The last two minutes of the song is void of words at all, just an eerily beautiful creeping of sound that builds up to a sort of climax at the end, where you can vaguely hear the words of the song from the beginning.  Much the same way that the story of the song is building up to someone realizing that they've had enough but aren't sure if they can actually muster up the courage to walk away.

I can relate to these lyrics on an entirely too personal of a level and I think that is what is speaking so clearly to me in this song.  It's an accurate description of my life and I can think of plenty of times where I have thought this very same thing.  My favorite line is "You look but you never see."  I feel like there have been only a very small handful of people who have been able to actually see me.  Granted, part of that is because I keep myself buried behind walls of false security, but there are some who have been able to break through that barrier, no matter how much I resisted.

Definitely going on the "permanent" list. 😊🎶