Interviewing Woes

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Well... a month later and I'm still hating this job hunting process.  And I've established that my interviewing skills are absolutely horrible, at best.  I get entirely too nervous and then end up forgetting anything and everything that I have done in the past and fumbling with an answer that only ends up sounding mundane and not in any way extraordinary.  I'm pretty sure I don't stand out among the various applicants, unless it's for my tendency to be slightly awkward.

I think part of my problem is that I have to remember my past... and I feel like I've subconsciously blocked out large portions of it, after high school.  I guess it's a self-preservation type issue, so that I wouldn't have to think about certain things that have happened in my life.  I'm trying my damndest to come up with specific examples from previous work experiences that I can use in the interview, instead of something generic and forgettable... but every time I try, I come up empty.  I worked at each job around 2 years, at least.  You'd think I would be able to pull something out of all of those days that I had to report in.

Anyway... yeah, life kinda just sucks right now.  I just wish someone would take a chance on me and look beyond my crappy interviewing abilities and see that I could actually do the job.

Confidence, Crumbled

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So it has been a rough couple of weeks for me.  Let me just say I didn't miss anything about the process of having to find a job within these past 8 years that I've had a steady one.  It sucks and I hate the way that it's making me feel about myself.

Just three weeks ago I was SO excited after I received a call from the staffing agency about an opportunity they had found that seemed to be perfect for me.  Yeah, it was a little further than I wanted, but at least the pay was exactly what I had asked for, and it was only a straight shot west, only having to drive on basically one highway.  So I was told that I would get a call back once she had some definite information on a time and date for an interview.  I've been checking in every week since that phone call, only to get told that they had to deal with an internal loophole of some sort, and that it's just a slow process... I'm still waiting to hear any information whatsoever. 😞  I hate getting my hopes up like that, only to have it all come crashing down.  Though I guess I shouldn't say that because I haven't heard anything definite yet, either way.  Ugh.

My mom is also visiting here until September 3rd, so I am trying not to dwell too much on this, at least until she leaves, because I don't wanna be the reason that she doesn't enjoy her vacation.  Some days it's difficult to keep the smile on my face though, no matter how much I try to fake it.

Mid-Month Countdown... Initiated

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Well, today marks the middle of the last month that I will be working my current setup.  And I have to say that I am really going to miss this.  No commute whatsoever, except to the kitchen for lunch and back.  Having the dogs as my constant companions, so that they don't have to be cooped up in a crate for the majority of the day.  Being able to conveniently juggle hours around whatever errand or obligation I have going on that week.  Switching off from work mode to play mode within a moment's notice.  True, there have never been any opportunities for advancement within the company, but that was a con that I was willing to accept, in exchange for all of the pros that I just mentioned.  Not that I'm not looking forward to this new chapter in my life... I'd just gotten really comfortable with this sort of work style, in the past six years since I started working primarily for my dad.  And it's bumming me out a bit that I am going to have to let go of that.

Anyway... I've been getting more into WoW lately... mainly because I've been feeling pretty alone most of the time and it's a way to kill time.  I also need to grind out reputation points with various factions to unlock more aspects of the game, so it has taken up a decent chunk of my time doing that.  Of course it also doesn't help that I spend around 80% of my day actually alone, which started last week, since the hubby's work initiated a major project that's been keeping him there until around 8-9pm every night.  Let me tell you, it wreaks havoc on actually trying to schedule any dinner planning at all.  And this eating-dinner-after-8pm most weeknights is not something that I wanna get used to anytime soon. 😒

Speaking of Friends...

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Ugh, if I'd only known what I was going to find out later that night (yesterday). 😞  Let's just say I was reminded why I don't get close to people.  But I let my guard down and it happened, and now I'm paying the price.

It sucks when you have to forcibly realize that someone you considered a good friend is nothing more than someone who will eventually forget you completely.  This has been happening gradually for the past few months, but it all came crashing down yesterday, and it hit me that this person really does not care.  I'm kicking myself for being so stupid that I let myself believe otherwise.  And this feeling right here is the exact reason why I keep myself at a distance from others, apart from a very select few that have already proven their worth and earned that place in my life. 

The sad thing is that a part of me felt this was bound to happen, from the moment we met.  I just ignored it and hoped for the best.  And look where that got me.  I'll remember next time.

Friend of a Friend...

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Well... again, I went and got my hopes up for having motivation to post more often and I somehow lost it all.  I seriously need time to just stand still while I catch up on everything... it's no joke that time ticks on so much more quickly as you get older. 😒

So I randomly found out last week that an old friend has become friends with an ex-boyfriend of mine.  And I'm not sure how I feel about that... other than I don't like it.  I know it's inevitable that he will possibly encounter people that I know, given that they are all still in the same area, and I know I cannot dictate who my friends can be friends with (nor do I want to), but considering that it's this particular ex... the whole thing just unnerves me; I can't help it.  And I'm not even as close of friends as I used to be with this person... I just don't like knowing that they know each other, and knowing that my ex still tries to contact me from time to time, wanting to be friends, even though he should know that is completely impossible.  Ugh.  Damn relationship drama coming back to bite me, even after all these years.  Though I know it's my own fault for letting it get to me in the first place.  But like I said... I just can't help it.  My mind just cannot seem to grasp the concept of letting it slip away so easily.  Story of my life...

Anyway... now that that has put a damper on my day... I'm going to go do something fun to combat this feeling. 😉

{Tuesday Tunes} Let The Records Play

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Playlist: The Art of Procrastination
Song: Let The Records Play
Artist: Pearl Jam
Album: Lightning Bolt [2013]

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When the Kingdom comes
He puts his records on
And with his blistered thumb hits play
And with the volume up he goes and fills his cup

And lets the drummer's drum take away the pain, the pain
Breaking, Forsaken...

What's that you're taking?
Aaw, needing the feeling
He lets the records play
Should the future dim
A cigarette lights hymn

Vaporized a green light grin
And when the shot glass talks
He knows to listen up

Until he's nice and numb again
Shakened, Awakened
Not one for faking

Kneeling, his healing
He lets the records play

There's wisdom in his ways
I been down and I fell so hard and far from grace

I been hurt and I still recall the flaws on her face
I been off, but I'm on, up above my feet, my feet again

(guitar solo)

Shaken, Forsaken
What's that you're taking?
Aaw, needing the feeling
He lets the records play
Shakened, Awakened
Not one for faking

Kneeling, his healing
He lets the records play
Oh, there's wisdom in his ways
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First off, this song is from a playlist of mine that I have specifically for new music that I want to listen to more thoroughly before moving it to my other playlists.  Sometimes I hear about a new album from a band I like and don't have the time to really listen to it, so that's where this playlist comes in, as a sort of temporary holding place.

Anyway.. the song... I really like the uplifting beat of this.  It's one of those songs that inspires me to wanna just get up and dance and forget about the rest of the worries of the world.  Or the fact that I can't even dance at all. 😂  I've always loved Eddie Vedder's voice also, I have yet to find a Pearl Jam song that I don't enjoy, even if it's just simply listening to his vocals.  He's got that unique sound that I love.

What I get from the song is that it's about a person who's depressed about something in his life, but when he hears the music, the cause of his pain is taken away and it awakens a different, happier side of him.  Pretty much the power of music in its ability to heal in a way that nothing else can.  Which I can completely relate to, since music has done the same thing for me in the past (and sometimes the present... I mean, there is a reason I have a playlist called Shinedown Therapy), when dealing with a traumatic experience.

I will definitely be moving this song to one of my permanent playlists! 😊🎶

Shazam!

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Here's the other new type of post that I will be doing every week... a sort of week-in-review type thing.  I'm going to pick a question from my list of prompts that has to do with my week as a whole and answer it to the best of what I remember from that particular week.

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What did you most enjoy doing this week?

Well... I have the say the most enjoyable experience I had was on Friday night when we saw Shazam. 😊 Even though we had to go to the latest showing they had available (10:45pm) and the movie didn't end up actually starting until around 11:30pm, because we ended up staring at the ending of the Chevy commercial for 15 minutes straight, telling us to "Enjoy the show."  I would say it was to the point of being comical, if it hadn't been for how late it was already getting.  Two of the guys in the large group sitting directly in front of us ended up being the ones to let the staff know what was going on, simply because "no one else was going to."  We didn't end up getting home until just before 2am.

Anyway... I loved the movie!  It was sweet, sad, funny and heart-warming all in one.  I loved Zachary Levi's performance, as well as the rest of the cast... but the comic relief from Zachary stood out the most for me!  He did such a great job at portraying a 14-year-old boy who is suddenly transformed with a very adult body.  But I've loved him ever since I was glued to the TV during his show, Chuck.

The movie had plenty of action as well, and disturbing creatures, representing each of the seven sins.  Billy Batson/Shazam kinda reminded me of DC's version of Wade Wilson/Deadpool, (even has the same letter first & last name coincidence), if he were waaaay more family friendly and not as crude.  Haha.

Bad Omens

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Have you ever randomly found out something that has always been true for several years, you just weren't aware of it?  And now you can't help being constantly surrounded by such a disconcerting and ominous feeling deep inside?  It's already happened to me twice this year.  And it has awakened that feeling; apparently it was always there, I just didn't actually know the truth.  That old phrase, 'the truth hurts,' has never felt more accurate.

I've always had those strange moments where you feel like something bad is going to happen... waiting for the other shoe to drop, if you will... and this sheds some light into the reason why I've felt that irritating feeling deep down in my gut.  The first time this happened, back in the middle of February, what I found out forever changed the way that I see my (paternal) grandfather.  And I hate that I can't see him the same way, even though that side of him was not the person I loved growing up, knowing that it existed in him has been devastating for me, for reasons that I won't explain.

The second time, which happened over the past couple days, is only a theory, since my mind refuses to stop analyzing things and after potentially putting two and two together, it's the only thing that makes sense.  I really don't want to believe that it's the truth though.  Because that would force me to have to admit that one of my closest friends, that I've known at least a third of my life, is not the person that I believed them to be.  And I already have enough supposed friends that I can't count on, when it really matters.  You know the type... who only remember you one day out of the year, usually because social media tells them to, but could care less about what happens to you the rest of the year.  Ugh... on that note, I'm done for today. 😞

{ Tuesday Tunes } One Love

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🎼 Every Tuesday, I'm going to pick a playlist that I have created on Spotify and, making sure it is on shuffle, play a song from that playlist.  After thoroughly listening to the song, I will post the lyrics and video (if available) for reference.  Then write about how the song speaks to me, if I already know it well, or if it's more of an "acquaintance." Sound good? 😊🎵 

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Playlist: Hazelnut
Song: One Love
Artist: Sister Hazel
Album: Chasing Daylight [2003]

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We are just children understand
We're two in a million, the precious grains of sand
We slip through the fingers, dancing on the wind
We find each other

[Chorus]

One you, one me
One chance for us to live
One heart, one soul
One life for us to give
One dream, one mind
One sky up above
One you, one me
One love
One love

A star made a wish on us tonight
Hangin' out in heaven inspired by our light
She knows how it feels to shine on all the world
And last forever

[Chorus]

Surrender all your battles
It's only love that makes us matter
We are all the possibilities
As endless as our imagination

[Chorus]
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First off, Sister Hazel has always been a favorite of mine, ever since I was an awkward and shy tween, listening to All For You constantly.  Ken (Block) has such a unique-sounding voice that draws me in every time. 😍  I love the meaning behind this song, which tells us to stop spreading hate and anger, and give in to love, which is all that matters in the end.  Maybe I love this song so much because I just despise being angry. 😏😜 

One Down, Twenty-Nine To Go

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Well, the first day of the month that I hate the most is almost over now.  The fact that it was April Fool's Day didn't really cross my mind too much today either.  Usually I'm wary of everything I hear on this day, because of that simple fact, but today I just didn't let it bother me at all.

No prompt today, because I need to be getting to sleep soon...

I felt like today was... productive.  I finally updated my 2019 Reading Challenge page to reflect the most current books I'm in the process of reading, as well as the ones that I've already completed this year.  I'm really hoping this is going to be the year that I don't fail.  Because I don't consider myself a 'readaholic' for nothing! 😊

I'm going to be introducing two new types of entries this time around... on Tuesdays and Fridays.  I'm excited to test this out for tomorrow's entry.  I just hope I can remember to actually set aside some time to get it done.  I almost forgot to do that today, because other things on my mind were distracting me.  There was also an (intro) event that started today in Nexus, plus a community event where one of my characters helped out (really, more like got suckered into helping) a friend with decorations, since I'm a flower hoarder in the game.  [who am I kidding, I'm the same in real life... 😂]

Anyway... I should probably call it a night here and go to bed.  Goodnight, world. 💤

Something New

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So let's just ignore the fact that I did not get off to the kind of start I wanted to this year, regarding that clean slate.  That being said, I've been thinking lately that I really need to get back into some type of writing every day, or at least as close to every day as I can possibly accomplish.  So to make it a little easier as far as what to write about, I thought I'd put together a list of journaling prompts to help me.  And I'll use one of those prompts every day (or time) that I write an entry here.  So we'll see how this goes.

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Something got me thinking about the online journals I used to maintain in the past, first on Angelfire, which actually led to the origin of my forum's title, which is kinda neat to remember.  I called it "Life, In a Nutshell" and I thought of each entry as a sort of 'nut' in my life that I explored (cracked) when opening the shell it hid behind.  Hence, "Crack Your Nuts."  Yeah, I know how corny that sounds.

After that, I used MySpace's journal feature, back when the site was hugely popular.  I miss those days sometimes.  Facebook was only available for eligible college students, at that time, and while I was in college then, I liked MySpace better.  Oh and I'm forgetting Xanga, that had to be my absolute favorite online journal option, mainly for their customization options.  There was a brief stint with LiveJournal as well, but I mainly just created an account there so that I could comment on other friends' journals.  I ended up using Facebook's journal feature also, as their popularity increased.

Anyway... I better get started on those prompts so I can hopefully start tomorrow at the beginning of a new month. 😉