Interviewing Woes

---

Well... a month later and I'm still hating this job hunting process.  And I've established that my interviewing skills are absolutely horrible, at best.  I get entirely too nervous and then end up forgetting anything and everything that I have done in the past and fumbling with an answer that only ends up sounding mundane and not in any way extraordinary.  I'm pretty sure I don't stand out among the various applicants, unless it's for my tendency to be slightly awkward.

I think part of my problem is that I have to remember my past... and I feel like I've subconsciously blocked out large portions of it, after high school.  I guess it's a self-preservation type issue, so that I wouldn't have to think about certain things that have happened in my life.  I'm trying my damndest to come up with specific examples from previous work experiences that I can use in the interview, instead of something generic and forgettable... but every time I try, I come up empty.  I worked at each job around 2 years, at least.  You'd think I would be able to pull something out of all of those days that I had to report in.

Anyway... yeah, life kinda just sucks right now.  I just wish someone would take a chance on me and look beyond my crappy interviewing abilities and see that I could actually do the job.

Confidence, Crumbled

---

So it has been a rough couple of weeks for me.  Let me just say I didn't miss anything about the process of having to find a job within these past 8 years that I've had a steady one.  It sucks and I hate the way that it's making me feel about myself.

Just three weeks ago I was SO excited after I received a call from the staffing agency about an opportunity they had found that seemed to be perfect for me.  Yeah, it was a little further than I wanted, but at least the pay was exactly what I had asked for, and it was only a straight shot west, only having to drive on basically one highway.  So I was told that I would get a call back once she had some definite information on a time and date for an interview.  I've been checking in every week since that phone call, only to get told that they had to deal with an internal loophole of some sort, and that it's just a slow process... I'm still waiting to hear any information whatsoever. 😞  I hate getting my hopes up like that, only to have it all come crashing down.  Though I guess I shouldn't say that because I haven't heard anything definite yet, either way.  Ugh.

My mom is also visiting here until September 3rd, so I am trying not to dwell too much on this, at least until she leaves, because I don't wanna be the reason that she doesn't enjoy her vacation.  Some days it's difficult to keep the smile on my face though, no matter how much I try to fake it.

Speaking of Friends...

---

Ugh, if I'd only known what I was going to find out later that night (yesterday). 😞  Let's just say I was reminded why I don't get close to people.  But I let my guard down and it happened, and now I'm paying the price.

It sucks when you have to forcibly realize that someone you considered a good friend is nothing more than someone who will eventually forget you completely.  This has been happening gradually for the past few months, but it all came crashing down yesterday, and it hit me that this person really does not care.  I'm kicking myself for being so stupid that I let myself believe otherwise.  And this feeling right here is the exact reason why I keep myself at a distance from others, apart from a very select few that have already proven their worth and earned that place in my life. 

The sad thing is that a part of me felt this was bound to happen, from the moment we met.  I just ignored it and hoped for the best.  And look where that got me.  I'll remember next time.

I Don't Have a Title Handy...

---

First off, how is it already May?!?  😶  Maybe this will be the month where I finally keep up with posting EVERY DAY. 😜

So.  I realize that I've missed quite a few days lately.  I just haven't been feeling particularly very chatty.  I've also been busy in Nexus, getting more involved in one of the clans I'm in, amidst trying desperately to find people to gain some experience with, so that I can finally advance my highest rogue to the next level.  I recently upgraded some of my armor as well, with newer items that have been released since I last played... and at an incredibly high expense, but I'm hoping it's worth the extra damage that I'll do.  I just need to find people to help me test it out!  But it's highly frustrating and I'm finding that you have to have friends within the game to really get steady experience, at least as a rogue, especially with how warriors completely dwarf the rogue.  And most of the friends that I knew back in the old days when I played more, have since moved on.  Except for one, which has been great whenever he's online and able to hunt, but our schedules just don't collide that often.  So I've now just given up trying to hunt as much with a group and mainly just solo when I can.  It's incredibly slow, and I have to be in the right mood to do it, but I guess it's better than nothing!

However, I've forgotten how addicting the game can be as well.  Sometimes I wish I could be on there all the time, and not have the hubby get mad at me for ignoring him, haha.  The last time I really actively played, I was living alone in my own apartment, going to college and working part-time.  I wasn't single, BUT the guy I was dating also played the game, so it didn't feel like I was ignoring him when I spent most of my free time there.

Anyway... this is probably a pretty boring post for anyone who reads this, as I'm sure you don't play the game, so I'll just shut up now.  Haha.  I'm getting excited for my mom's visit in 8 days!!!  Not so excited for the massive cleaning that I still have to get done though, in the meantime... 😒😫

-screams in frustration-

---

I hate when I can't fully express my intensely annoyed state of mind because of the fact that others may read it and get offended.  Though who am I kidding, it's not like anyone really reads this blog, other than a couple loyal friends (you know who you guys are 💜) but still, in the off chance that they do...  ugh.  This is why I used to prefer Twitter over Facebook, but now I can't even use that the same way anymore.

Though I suppose it's my own fault, for thinking that someone would actually take some time off work (who has been saying that he has plenty of time to spare and needs to plan it out) when my mom is going to be out here next month, just to spend time with her, because she considers both of us her "kids," no matter how much he may think that she doesn't like him.  Hell, he wouldn't even take time off to go with me to the Urgent Care clinic when he knew I was totally freaked out about my neck issues and needed someone with me, why would I even expect him to take more time off work for my mom?  And it's not like I don't put up with enough crap from his family, ALL THE TIME.  Ugh.

I just can't seem to do anything right, I guess.  I make a statement, even in a joking manner, not remotely angry, and I get accused of trying to start a fight?!  How does that even happen?  So instead of continuing "the fight" by saying anything else, I'm probably going to be spending my Friday night sitting here alone on the couch, or in the office playing NexusTK or SWTOR.  Which is fine by me because I'm actually on a mission in Nexus to obtain two items, which involves hours of crafting via digging in the dirt (a.k.a. mining), because the drop is pretty random.

The underlying point of this post is... I just really miss my mom. 😢

Heat Has Come Too Soon

---

I think I'm starting to grow tired of California.  It just doesn't hold the same appeal for me as it did years ago when I first moved out here.  I never thought that would happen.  I'm also completely NOT ready for this weather that we've been having for the past week.  It's gotten into the 80s already, and it just annoys me.  I need to live in a place where it stays winter-ish longer than a month or two.

Fortunately, it's supposed to rain later this week, bringing the highs down to the upper 60s instead, which I am looking forward to.  Only for that decrease in temperature though, not really wanting the rain so much.

Sorry this post is so boring.  I really don't have much to talk about.  I think I'm going to attempt to do some writing for tomorrow's post.  Maybe.  😊  We'll see where my inspiration takes me, if anywhere at all.

Hello April...

---

And so starts my most hated month of the year.  Why do I hate it so much, you ask?  Mostly because I was teased about having a month as my name, when growing up, specifically when my cousin would call me "April May June" ALL THE TIME, when he saw me at family gatherings and whatnot.  Good thing we lived 6 hours away!  Also, during the month, I'm always paranoid that people are talking to me (or about me) when I hear them say "April."  And after 34 years of that... let's just say it gets old quick.

It's also April Fools Day, which is pretty much an annoying day in itself, as you can't believe anything that you hear today!  And for a somewhat-gullible person like me... that sucks.  Haha.

Oh and also Easter Sunday.  We don't really make a big deal out of Easter in this house though.  I mean, it seems like it's more for the kids with the scavenger hunt for eggs and chocolate bunnies and the like.  I remember when I was growing up, my neighborhood used to have this big 'Easter' party, for all the kids who lived there, along with a huge scavenger hunt in the fields that ran behind everyone's houses (called 'the greenbelt'), connecting them.  It was so fun to finally spot a bit of orange or pink or blue among the green grass and find the little candies hidden inside.  Ah, to be little again, without a care in the world, other than finding the most eggs, of course! 😝

Pining for the Past

---

So, I know I missed quite a few days since my last post.  I just haven't really felt like detailing every day lately, so that's the reason I'm going with.  Let's just leave it at that.

Yesterday, I played around with Discord a bit, creating a dedicated server for my forum, mainly because I wanted to get more familiar with the program and stuff, since I'm still a slight newbie.  And I really like it.  So much more than Skype!  Plus, the phone app doesn't drain my battery the way that Skype's did.  I made a graphic for my forum's 14th anniversary as well, which I used when creating an event on Facebook, to try and get some more activity there.  Facebook also reminded me that I'd become friends with one of my original members 10 years ago, so I shared that with her and we got to talking and she ended up coming back to the forum AND joining the Discord server also! 😁 Which makes me happy.  I really miss the old days and her being back makes me reminisce on how it used to be with forum-ing, before Facebook & other social media took over.  I so wish I could bring that back again.

I woke up with my arm hurting a bit this morning, and after a few brief moments of confusion, I realized it's from yesterday when I was outside with Dozer and he went for something that he saw on the side of the house (probably a cat), yanking my arm suddenly, so much that it felt like he pulled it out of socket... but luckily for me, I still have some of my muscle relaxant medication, so I took one dose, because my neck was hurting a bit this morning as well.  Ugh.

Annoying way to start my day.  And I fear that it's only going to get worse, but that's another story entirely.  One that I'd rather not get into right now.  Or ever. 😠

The 'Joy' of Jessica Jones

---

Well, today started out pretty hopeful, with no trace of the pain in my neck when I woke up this morning, compared to the two previous ones where I could barely move my neck without excruciating pain.  I was so happy to have finally remembered what it was like to start the day without the pain.  Unfortunately, that feeling did not last.  Around 1:30pm, it all came rushing back, seemingly with a vengeance.  Ugh.  I'm so tired of this.  I really hope my body gets the hint soon.

On to other news, I was excited that the second season of Jessica Jones came out today!  I'd seen it every time I opened Netflix and couldn't wait for the hubby to get home so we could start watching. We ended up getting through the first three episodes before it was time for Chicago Fire, which was the conclusion of the crossover episode from Chicago PD, and I quickly realized that I was lost, since I'd been passed out from the muscle relaxant medication last night.  Oh well.  I loved the beginning of  Jessica Jones and I can't wait to see more!  She is definitely my favorite.

I need to attempt to get some sleep now, so goodnight, world. 😉

Better Left Unsaid

---

 I don't want to talk about today.  Trust me on this.  It's been horrible on almost every level.  Ugh.  And I just would rather not rehash ANY minute of it.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better, since the bar is obviously not set very high. 😔

Now I'm outta here, to watch This Is Us and forget that today ever happened.

Waiting [Impatiently] for Tomorrow...

---

Sooo, I've noticed now that the people who started this challenge with me have kind of dwindled down in their postings lately.  I totally get it, but it just makes it less fun when there's not so much activity anymore.  It's reminding me of forum-ing actually, because the same concept applies.  And I've tried so very hard with my forum for so many years, only to be disappointed by that sudden drop in postings.  I've already made peace with the fact that it'll never be like it used to, but it's still sad, especially on the days when I'm nostalgic for the past.

Anyway... I really was not in the mood to clean today... AT ALL.  I did end up getting the vacuuming done, as well as unloading/reloading the dishwasher, and cleaning off the kitchen counters, except for the pots & pans that still need to be washed.  But I think I'll save the rest for tomorrow morning, to give me something to do while we wait for the delivery guys to get here with our fridge, since I know I am going to be bouncing off the walls with impatience until they get here!!  Hell, if I felt better right now, I'd be doing that already. 😛

I think we're about to head out to dinner now though, or at least I need to remind the hubby that we need to eat soon, because we had a late-ish breakfast and skipped lunch and my tummy's getting hungry.  I was trying to convince him to go pick it up and bring it back home, so that I can eat at home in pain, instead of at the restaurant, but he wants to go there so that he can get a free refill on the special-flavor-of-lemonade-that-I-can't-remember-what-it's-called-right-now.  Ugh, on to suffer in public, I guess. 😉

Theories & Anticipation

---

Sooo, I think I may have a possible reason for my neck pain.  I had a theory yesterday that maybe it's from the car wreck that the hubby and I were involved in, about a year and a half ago, where some idiot rammed us from behind, while we were stopped at a stoplight, and he obviously wasn't paying attention.  We went to the ER that day, both got diagnosed with whiplash, but other than a slight headache and soreness, that was the end of it at the time.  But I wonder if it's possible that injuries like that can lay dormant for a certain amount of time and then randomly pop back up in this way?  My head was thrown back in laughter when the car hit us and I remember my neck being abruptly jolted forward, so I think it's highly possible that this pain could have originated from that incident.  Ugh, I dunno.

I just wish it would magically get better before we have to meet my mother-in-law and family friend (Reno) for a dinner date tonight.  We invited them a week ago, when we ate at the restaurant and had the idea that the two of them would like the place also.  It's just going to be annoying, having to pretend that I'm not in so much pain.  That slightly-hunched-over position of eating irritates my neck so much more, which makes the process of eating somewhat difficult.

One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

---

Ahhhh.  So I now have this thing that I call my nightly "TENS Time," which is where I recline on our couch with my favorite TENS unit, just enjoying the feeling of electrotherapy on the back of my shoulders (since I can't put it directly on my neck).  I ended up re-injuring my neck last night, when I spotted a spider on the wall, yelling for Jacques to come smash it with a shoe, and then he proceeded to chase me around the house with it (knowing full-well that I haaaate spiders), where I ended up slipping on the carpet and hitting my head on the floor.  Obviously, it wasn't a serious hit, but it still did enough damage to set me back about 3 days, healing-wise.  Ugh, so frustrating!

Other than dealing with the severe pain once again, my day was pretty typical.  Except that I took the morning off to work on collecting some bounty contracts in SWTOR, since it's "bounty contract week" and I just now realized that there are some customized dyes available via collecting a certain amount of contracts.  I never really got into this event previously, doing one or two contracts and immediately selling them, because they were in high demand from other players.  But now I need 50 of them, and I think I'm up to about 8 so far.  I most likely will not get all 50 of them this week, so I'll have to wait for the next time this event pops up.

Anyway... I'm going to leave it at that for tonight because I want to fully enjoy my time with the TENS unit. 💜

Just Tell Me It's Over Already

---

So today has been a day of escaping the reality of my life... completely.  Whether that is through reading, playing SWTOR (I'm currently working on leveling my Jedi Knight) or just randomly staring into space, while I try to give myself a neck rub, the best that I can, because the husband won't help me whatsoever. (so much for that "in sickness" BS, huh?)  This whole neck thing is really annoying me.  It was especially difficult last night, attempting to pretend like nothing was bothering me, while we had the company over for dinner.  But alas, I am pretty much an expert at that.

A Pain in the Neck... Literally

---

Today has been... exhausting, to be honest.  First off, we didn't get home last night from the movie until around 1:20am, then stayed up a little bit longer so that Guinness could have some time out of his crate because it was Dozer's turn upstairs.  So it was at least 2am before I finally got to sleep.  I woke up around 7am, but didn't get out of bed until about 8:45am.  But that's not even the reason I've been so tired today.

See, yesterday afternoon, my neck started hurting, just a little at first and gradually getting worse throughout the day.  I had an upset stomach for about an hour before we headed out to dinner, considered canceling the whole night, but luckily, it got out of my system and I didn't have any more problems.  So I get up this morning, with the intention of cleaning up the house a bit, in preparation for my mother-in-law coming over for dinner tonight... yet my neck is killing me, worse than yesterday.  It feels like I have a constant weight on my shoulders, and I'm having to struggle to keep my head up, pushing against all that pressure.  Ugh.  It's not a pleasant feeling, and it completely drained my energy, after only a few minutes of cleaning.  I took a few breaks, but I was determined to at least get the important things done before I quit for the day.  Hopefully the pain will end up going away on its own though, because I really don't think it's serious enough to have to go to the doctor.

Anyway, we're trying out a new recipe for the Instant Pot today, Slow-Cook Cajun Beef and Grits and it's been cooking since about noon.  With all the cleaning and other things on my mind, I completely forgot to eat lunch at all, so I'm pretty starving right now...

Just ... Not in the Mood

---

So let me say first off that I am really not in the mood to write a post right now.  But I'm going to do it now because if I don't, it won't get done at all.

... I hate how I don't feel that I can fully express everything here.  Like something that's really annoying me, but I don't feel I can talk about it, for various reasons... one being that it will probably blow over within a few hours, or at the latest, tomorrow.  But I don't even feel that I have anyone I can vent to, and so I kind of just keep it all bottled inside until I eventually overwhelm myself.  I thought I'd stopped doing that years ago, but I guess old habits die hard, right?  Ugh.  I remember that I used to be the one that my good friends turned to when they had problems, and I'd listen to them and offer the best advice I could, but whenever I needed someone to talk to, nobody was around.  And nothing has changed in that respect.  I just wish I had someone who cared enough to notice when something's wrong and listen to me vent, without me feeling like I'm bugging them.

I hate the fact that I'm too damn emotional sometimes. 😞

Pain, Pain, Go Away!

---

Ugh.  I knew today was going to be bad, from the moment I woke up.  Seriously, the meds I've taken haven't worked AT ALL today.  If I didn't feel like I'd be wasting my whole day, I would have just stayed in bed. 😶

In an attempt to ignore the constant pain I'm in, my day so far has been focused on reading.  I did end up finishing my book this morning, as predicted last night, (the review is already up on my "reading challenge" tab up there!) and I've read the first page or two of the last Odd Thomas novel.  He finally goes back home in this one, after his journey led him all around southern California for a few months, and I'm happy to know that his old friends are (hopefully) coming back into the story.  I've missed them.  Funny how you get so attached to these fictional characters in a book and they really start to feel like close friends whom you've known all your life.

Anyway, I've also spent some of my day scouring the internet for some reading prompts, because sometimes after I finish a book, I have a difficult time choosing what to read next.  And this general "outline" of what to read will help me in making a decision.  So I've compiled a list of my favorite prompts, in the following graphic:

If you're participating in a reading challenge this year, feel free to grab some of these prompts if you're stuck on what to read!  It really helps for that.  Plus, I like these because all of them can be used for multiple books, not just one and then you're done with the prompt.  I've got a PSD version that I'm going to be adding check marks to the boxes whenever I finish a specific prompt.  Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm a dork. 😜

First Week Recap

---

Today marks my first full week of daily writing in this blog!  I have to admit, I was skeptical that I would actually be able to find things to write about every day, but once I started, I forgot how quickly the words start flowing.  I remember back in my early 20's, I used to have a blog just like this, where I wrote every day, but I also had LOTS more drama in my daily life, what with figuring out relationships (not to mention myself) and frustrations in my job and everything that comes with all that.   I'm thankful that I at least don't have quite so much of that to deal with anymore.  (And I hope I didn't just jinx myself...)

Today is also another birthday, this time for my long-time forum friend, Amanda, whom I've known for... almost 14 years now?!  Wow, I can't believe it's really been that long.  I remember when I first met her on Menix Designs back in 2004, which was my first graphic design forum I joined on Proboards! 😲 We have come so far since those days!  I wish her the happiest of birthdays today, and I hope her day has been going fantastic! 💜