Interviewing Woes

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Well... a month later and I'm still hating this job hunting process.  And I've established that my interviewing skills are absolutely horrible, at best.  I get entirely too nervous and then end up forgetting anything and everything that I have done in the past and fumbling with an answer that only ends up sounding mundane and not in any way extraordinary.  I'm pretty sure I don't stand out among the various applicants, unless it's for my tendency to be slightly awkward.

I think part of my problem is that I have to remember my past... and I feel like I've subconsciously blocked out large portions of it, after high school.  I guess it's a self-preservation type issue, so that I wouldn't have to think about certain things that have happened in my life.  I'm trying my damndest to come up with specific examples from previous work experiences that I can use in the interview, instead of something generic and forgettable... but every time I try, I come up empty.  I worked at each job around 2 years, at least.  You'd think I would be able to pull something out of all of those days that I had to report in.

Anyway... yeah, life kinda just sucks right now.  I just wish someone would take a chance on me and look beyond my crappy interviewing abilities and see that I could actually do the job.

Confidence, Crumbled

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So it has been a rough couple of weeks for me.  Let me just say I didn't miss anything about the process of having to find a job within these past 8 years that I've had a steady one.  It sucks and I hate the way that it's making me feel about myself.

Just three weeks ago I was SO excited after I received a call from the staffing agency about an opportunity they had found that seemed to be perfect for me.  Yeah, it was a little further than I wanted, but at least the pay was exactly what I had asked for, and it was only a straight shot west, only having to drive on basically one highway.  So I was told that I would get a call back once she had some definite information on a time and date for an interview.  I've been checking in every week since that phone call, only to get told that they had to deal with an internal loophole of some sort, and that it's just a slow process... I'm still waiting to hear any information whatsoever. 😞  I hate getting my hopes up like that, only to have it all come crashing down.  Though I guess I shouldn't say that because I haven't heard anything definite yet, either way.  Ugh.

My mom is also visiting here until September 3rd, so I am trying not to dwell too much on this, at least until she leaves, because I don't wanna be the reason that she doesn't enjoy her vacation.  Some days it's difficult to keep the smile on my face though, no matter how much I try to fake it.

Mid-Month Countdown... Initiated

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Well, today marks the middle of the last month that I will be working my current setup.  And I have to say that I am really going to miss this.  No commute whatsoever, except to the kitchen for lunch and back.  Having the dogs as my constant companions, so that they don't have to be cooped up in a crate for the majority of the day.  Being able to conveniently juggle hours around whatever errand or obligation I have going on that week.  Switching off from work mode to play mode within a moment's notice.  True, there have never been any opportunities for advancement within the company, but that was a con that I was willing to accept, in exchange for all of the pros that I just mentioned.  Not that I'm not looking forward to this new chapter in my life... I'd just gotten really comfortable with this sort of work style, in the past six years since I started working primarily for my dad.  And it's bumming me out a bit that I am going to have to let go of that.

Anyway... I've been getting more into WoW lately... mainly because I've been feeling pretty alone most of the time and it's a way to kill time.  I also need to grind out reputation points with various factions to unlock more aspects of the game, so it has taken up a decent chunk of my time doing that.  Of course it also doesn't help that I spend around 80% of my day actually alone, which started last week, since the hubby's work initiated a major project that's been keeping him there until around 8-9pm every night.  Let me tell you, it wreaks havoc on actually trying to schedule any dinner planning at all.  And this eating-dinner-after-8pm most weeknights is not something that I wanna get used to anytime soon. 😒

Speaking of Friends...

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Ugh, if I'd only known what I was going to find out later that night (yesterday). 😞  Let's just say I was reminded why I don't get close to people.  But I let my guard down and it happened, and now I'm paying the price.

It sucks when you have to forcibly realize that someone you considered a good friend is nothing more than someone who will eventually forget you completely.  This has been happening gradually for the past few months, but it all came crashing down yesterday, and it hit me that this person really does not care.  I'm kicking myself for being so stupid that I let myself believe otherwise.  And this feeling right here is the exact reason why I keep myself at a distance from others, apart from a very select few that have already proven their worth and earned that place in my life. 

The sad thing is that a part of me felt this was bound to happen, from the moment we met.  I just ignored it and hoped for the best.  And look where that got me.  I'll remember next time.

Bad Omens

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Have you ever randomly found out something that has always been true for several years, you just weren't aware of it?  And now you can't help being constantly surrounded by such a disconcerting and ominous feeling deep inside?  It's already happened to me twice this year.  And it has awakened that feeling; apparently it was always there, I just didn't actually know the truth.  That old phrase, 'the truth hurts,' has never felt more accurate.

I've always had those strange moments where you feel like something bad is going to happen... waiting for the other shoe to drop, if you will... and this sheds some light into the reason why I've felt that irritating feeling deep down in my gut.  The first time this happened, back in the middle of February, what I found out forever changed the way that I see my (paternal) grandfather.  And I hate that I can't see him the same way, even though that side of him was not the person I loved growing up, knowing that it existed in him has been devastating for me, for reasons that I won't explain.

The second time, which happened over the past couple days, is only a theory, since my mind refuses to stop analyzing things and after potentially putting two and two together, it's the only thing that makes sense.  I really don't want to believe that it's the truth though.  Because that would force me to have to admit that one of my closest friends, that I've known at least a third of my life, is not the person that I believed them to be.  And I already have enough supposed friends that I can't count on, when it really matters.  You know the type... who only remember you one day out of the year, usually because social media tells them to, but could care less about what happens to you the rest of the year.  Ugh... on that note, I'm done for today. 😞

Be Careful What You Wish For

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So, remember that post back at the beginning of April where I was complaining about the hubby not taking time off work during my mom's visit out here?  Yeah, scratch that altogether.  He ended up taking the time off work, and now I'm finding myself wishing that he hadn't. 😒  I'm not going to go into the full reasoning behind that, but let's just say I can't stand his attitude towards her, and how I get caught in the middle of it.  And then having to put on a 'happy face' for my mom's benefit... I can only do that so long before it starts sifting to the surface. 🙄 ugh.

That's all I really have to say for now.  Hopefully things will work themselves out, but now I'm just really starting to dread any time that I have to spend with the two of them together.  I suck at conflict resolution. 😐

Unforeseen

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✍ Contest Entry for NexusTK ✍

Prompt: When the goats took over...

(Keep in mind this was written in a roleplay format, relating to the game, so if there are some things that you don't fully understand, such as places, just go with it.)

The deafening sound infiltrated my ears as I lounged in the sheep fields in the middle of the Wilderness, my hair whipping behind my head as I lifted myself up to investigate this unsettling new development.  My faithful companion, Stormi, who is a bobcat, immediately pricked her ears up to listen more closely, her head rising from its resting spot on my leg, those gray eyes staring intently at the dark figures rapidly approaching in the distance.  The sound was growing louder with every passing moment.  Squinting in the brightness of the sun’s rays, I jumped to my feet, leaning closer, as if that would instantly reveal the source. 

The surrounding sheep, who had been peacefully sleeping or eating, much of what their daily lives consisted of, turned to gaze in the direction of that unpleasant sound. I felt the ground start to quake slightly, under the pressure of this imminent wall of darkness; the grass causing a tickling sensation where its tendrils had coiled around the toes of my bare feet. Before the smile could reach my face, I shook my feet free and slipped into my simple blue flats.

When the herd finally reached the edge of the fields, I could see them more clearly for what they were… mountain goats. As a whole, they were a chaos of colors: whites, grays, browns and blacks with backward curving horns of varying sizes, yet kind faces that seemed to depict pure innocence. Though I knew from firsthand experience that looks can be deceiving, and I steeled myself for a fight, keeping my strongest protection spell close at hand. There were hundreds of them, and though I was small for my age, I had plenty of courage to face whatever this was.

Keep Queuing the Nerves...

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Well.... I just found out that it is going to be yet another full week before I find out the results from the story contest, as I thought it was every week, but it's actually every two weeks.  I guess because the entries are longer than poems, they take longer to judge.  Ugh!  Now I'm going to be anxious for a whole week longer than I thought.  Maybe I'll use that time to psych myself down, so that if (knock on wood) I get good news, it'll be that much more exciting and rewarding. 😆 I'm sure I'll have plenty of cleaning and working to keep my mind off of it also.

Finding that out just kind of ruins my night though.  Haha.  We had a spontaneous change of plans today.  We were going to head up to Sacramento to participate in a march they're having at the capitol building, but opted to stay home instead and work on getting the office cleaned a bit.  We succeeded for a few hours, but then had to break for lunch and got into watching more of The Santa Clarita Diet and haven't resumed since then.  We still have plenty of time, so I'm not worrying too much about it at this point.

We lost track of time and before we knew it, it's 5:30pm and too late to do anything with the pork roast, and he forgot to marinate it anyway... so yeah, another abrupt dinner change tonight.  We had a late lunch, so I figured we'd just have a late dinner, but it's just getting too late to do any prep now.  Still not sure what we're doing but I suppose we'll figure it out soon!  Other than that, not much else to report for today.  😊  Happy Saturday!

Hello Black Panther!

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Well, even though the news keeps saying that Black Panther is the most highly anticipated Marvel movie and that it has already broken records, before it was even officially released, it's probably the movie that I'm the least excited about seeing.  I'm not sure why, just the story isn't as intriguing to me as the others have been.  Maybe the movie will change my mind on that, once I see it.  But I won't know until 10:30pm tonight, when we are planning to see it.  Which means that I will definitely be trying to fit a late afternoon nap into my day today, in an effort to stay awake during the movie, that is likely to run until close to 1:00am.

Speaking of staying awake, I didn't wanna wake up this morning at all!  I hate those nights where you go to sleep and then it seems like only 5 minutes have passed until you have to get up again.  But I woke up to the hubby's alarm going off at 4:35am, and even though we didn't get up until a few minutes after 5am, I still didn't feel like I truly got back to sleep for those short 25 minutes.  I woke up with a slight headache also, the same one that was behind my left eye on Valentine's Day, but has now moved to my right eye... but my morning coffee seems to have temporarily relieved it for now.

Lesson Learned... the Hard Way

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So last October, I fell into a "timeshare trap" on one of our visits to Bass Pro Shop.  See, after we got married in March, we never had a proper honeymoon, other than a weekend out in San Francisco... where we stayed in a house in San Bruno with my family.  Let's face it, that's NOT anywhere close to a honeymoon!  Fast-forward seven months later—I was easily drawn in by the sweet words of this salesguy who was boasting about these wonderful vacation spots, for a fraction of the cost that it would normally be to stay in a hotel, for 5 nights.  My first thought was "This could be our belated honeymoon of sorts!" and I let myself get swindled into saying yes.  And now, after some further investigation into the company (done by my husband), it has become a $150 lesson that I had to learn the hard way.  Ugh.  I'm trying to look on the bright side of it all, seeing as we did get a $100 gift card to Bass Pro out of the whole ordeal.  From now on, I'll just keep on walking.

Temporary Setback

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So I finished my first book of 2018 this morning!  Ironically, it is the self-help style book that has no relevance to my life (haha) but it was an informative & amusing read that left a smile on my face after every reading session.  (More detailed review listed on the 2018 Reading Challenge tab up there at the top)

Anyway, Jacques will be here all this week doing at-home training classes for work, which will give me a small taste of what it would be like if he worked from home.  Definitely a plus in the gas department, as he wouldn't have to drive those 90 miles every day.  Since I'm slightly 'kicked out' of the office until he finishes at 1PM, I was planning to start up my 4-mile-daily-walk again... but of course, I woke up to find that it's raining heavily outside, with no plans for it to stop anytime soon, not to mention my stomach attempting to kill me. (Nothing to worry about, there's a reason.)  Ugh.