Wednesday, September 29, 2021

{Tuesday Tunes} War Over Me


[DISCLAIMER: I did start this post yesterday, so I think it still counts]

Playlist: The Art of Procrastination
Song: War Over Me
Artist: Papa Roach
Album: F.E.A.R. [2015]

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I'm standing on the front lines, I'm fighting for my soul
I've walked the self-destructive lonely road
I read the warning signs but I was too blind to see
I had to feel the pain till I believed

I have a purpose

CHORUS:
This is war, this is war
Since the day I was born
I would die just to live, just to bleed
I will fight for my life
Turn my darkness, to light
This is war, it's a war over me
War over me
War over me

My pity feeds destruction
My hunger turns to greed
But nothing ever fills this hole in me
No peace on the horizon
No peace in anything
I had to hurt myself till I believed

I have a purpose

[CHORUS]

I'm caught up in the crossfire
I'm caught up in the pain
This gift of desperation
Is exactly what I need
I'm falling like an empire
I'm calling out your name
I'm locked in my own prison
Tell me help is on the way

Tell me help is on the way

I will fight for this life
Turn my darkness to light
This is war, it's a war over me

[CHORUS]

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First off, this is a new one to my ears.  Papa Roach can be a bit too "screamy" for me at times but most of their songs I like.  This ended up being one of those (that I like).  I feel it's pretty self-explanatory in what it's about... someone at war with themselves... a destructive person that they used to be and the person they are now, which feels like they are attempting to be better than they were. ("fight for my life, turn my darkness to light")  Everyone has a bit of darkness in them, I don't care who you are, you do.  And it's what you do with that darkness that defines you.  That sounds a bit cliche to me, but there it is.  

The lyric I most relate to: "...nothing ever fills this hole in me."  I experienced something at a young age that permanently took a part of myself away and I've felt that hole ever since, no matter how much I tried to fill it, or told myself that I had succeeded.  And fighting to turn darkness into light is sometimes an everyday struggle, but I believe I am winning, most days. 😊

Tuesday, September 21, 2021

{Tuesday Tunes} Nimble Bastard


Playlist: The Art of Procrastination
Song: Nimble Bastard
Artist: Incubus
Album: 8 [2017]

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Has it come to this?
We're stuck in the weeds
I get it, I'm not perfect, I was never trying to be
But I'm not long for this earth
If we really only ever get one chance to burn
I gotta trip before I can see the finish
How else would I learn?
I wanna know, how is it you do it?

When you land on your feet
You're a nimble bastard
And you don't skip a beat
Such a nimble bastard
Salt of the earth
Such a nimble bastard
Won't you show, lowly us
How do you see the stars from that far down?

Ah ha, I swing and I miss
And then come the creeps
It makes me want to faint
I wanna know, how is it you do it?
Ah ha, how do you spill the paint?
And then fit it into a frame?

When you land on your feet
You're a nimble bastard
And you don't skip a beat
Such a nimble bastard
Salt of the earth
Such a nimble bastard
Yeah, won't you show, lowly us
How do you see the stars from that far down?

Has it come to this?
Has it come to this?

When you land on your feet
You're a nimble bastard
And you don't skip a beat
Such a nimble bastard
Salt of the earth
Look out
Won't you show, lowly us
How do you see the stars from that far down?
You're a nimble bastard
Salt of the earth
Such a nimble bastard
Salt of the earth
You're a nimble bastard
Yeah, won't you show, lowly us
How do you see the stars?

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So... first off, the video is odd.  Lol.  This song seems pretty straightforward... I see it as someone bitterly complaining about a person who doesn't ever seem to make any mistakes and perfectly navigates through his/her life.  And the singer comes off as someone who can't do anything but make mistakes at every turn.  So he's asking how this "perfect" person gets away with it.  And can they please show the rest of us how it's done? 

I'm not sure I relate to this song as much as the last one I reviewed here.  Yeah, I've made plenty of mistakes in my life and I guess if I really searched, I could find someone in my life whom I feel just zooms through life in that "perfect" way... but I'm not bitter enough to really dwell on that fact.  I have accepted that without some of the mistakes I've made, I wouldn't be who I am today.  So I'm not really willing to give that up, just to be "perfect."

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

One Year Later...


... TO THE DAY.  Wow.  So I noticed that my last entry was exactly a year ago, when we lost Guinness.  I can still remember that day as if it was only yesterday.  I was reminded this morning via Google by a sweet photo of him on his last day alive, embraced by my mother-in-law.  Little did I know she would be the next to leave us, only 3 short months later.  It's hard to believe how much things can change in a year.  Well, no, I guess it's not that hard to believe, honestly.  A year is a long time.  A truer statement is that the days go by too fast.  But I don't want to start sounding like a broken record.

We are now a 2-dog household again though, thanks to taking in my mother-in-law's chihuahua Mocha after she passed.  There was no way we were going to just leave her where she was, plus she is the only other dog that Dozer gets along with, so it worked out fine.  And it's interesting having both ends of the size spectrum in the same house. 

As for work, the only thing that has changed since last year is that I am on a three-week rotation where I commute into the office for one week, then work from home for two weeks, and the cycle starts over again.  My week in the office happens to be this one and it's been really draining this time, because my mom just left yesterday morning, after a two-week visit.  I woke up around 3am in order to say goodbye to her and just couldn't get back to sleep.  Same for today, though this time it was due to the hubby having to go into work early.  So I'm tired.  And I miss her already. 😔

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