Friend of a Friend...

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Well... again, I went and got my hopes up for having motivation to post more often and I somehow lost it all.  I seriously need time to just stand still while I catch up on everything... it's no joke that time ticks on so much more quickly as you get older. 😒

So I randomly found out last week that an old friend has become friends with an ex-boyfriend of mine.  And I'm not sure how I feel about that... other than I don't like it.  I know it's inevitable that he will possibly encounter people that I know, given that they are all still in the same area, and I know I cannot dictate who my friends can be friends with (nor do I want to), but considering that it's this particular ex... the whole thing just unnerves me; I can't help it.  And I'm not even as close of friends as I used to be with this person... I just don't like knowing that they know each other, and knowing that my ex still tries to contact me from time to time, wanting to be friends, even though he should know that is completely impossible.  Ugh.  Damn relationship drama coming back to bite me, even after all these years.  Though I know it's my own fault for letting it get to me in the first place.  But like I said... I just can't help it.  My mind just cannot seem to grasp the concept of letting it slip away so easily.  Story of my life...

Anyway... now that that has put a damper on my day... I'm going to go do something fun to combat this feeling. 😉

Be Careful What You Wish For

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So, remember that post back at the beginning of April where I was complaining about the hubby not taking time off work during my mom's visit out here?  Yeah, scratch that altogether.  He ended up taking the time off work, and now I'm finding myself wishing that he hadn't. 😒  I'm not going to go into the full reasoning behind that, but let's just say I can't stand his attitude towards her, and how I get caught in the middle of it.  And then having to put on a 'happy face' for my mom's benefit... I can only do that so long before it starts sifting to the surface. 🙄 ugh.

That's all I really have to say for now.  Hopefully things will work themselves out, but now I'm just really starting to dread any time that I have to spend with the two of them together.  I suck at conflict resolution. 😐

False Hope

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Well... that hope that May would be the month where I wouldn't miss any days for this blog is forever gone.  Haha.  It has been busy here, what with trying to get everything cleaned up and ready for my mom's visit for the next two weeks.  I'm so excited that I'll be seeing her on Wednesday!  But this massive cleaning of the house is wearing me out.  Although it doesn't help that I ran into a door handle yesterday morning, so now a large portion of my forearm is bruised and sore.  It was a really hard hit, I couldn't move my arm at all for several moments.  And yes, I really am that stupidly clumsy. 😒

Anyway, that brings me to a small rant that I have to get off my chest.  Although I don't know how to really explain it, because it has to do with something that I can't openly talk about... ugh... I hate how something traumatic happened to me over 10 years ago, and it follows me around forever, changing how people react to certain things, at least the people who know what happened.  I don't want to forever be known as 'that girl.'  But I'm afraid that I always will be, at least in their eyes.  For now, I just brush it off and move on, which is really all I can do.  Sorry for being so vague. 

I suppose I should get back to cleaning now.  I have so many more tedious little tasks to get done, and I really hope I'm going to be able to get through most of them today, rather than tomorrow... I hope the title of this entry isn't accurate in that regard though!  Haha.

Oh and on a side note, today marks NINE YEARS since my hubby and I first started dating!  👀

-screams in frustration-

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I hate when I can't fully express my intensely annoyed state of mind because of the fact that others may read it and get offended.  Though who am I kidding, it's not like anyone really reads this blog, other than a couple loyal friends (you know who you guys are 💜) but still, in the off chance that they do...  ugh.  This is why I used to prefer Twitter over Facebook, but now I can't even use that the same way anymore.

Though I suppose it's my own fault, for thinking that someone would actually take some time off work (who has been saying that he has plenty of time to spare and needs to plan it out) when my mom is going to be out here next month, just to spend time with her, because she considers both of us her "kids," no matter how much he may think that she doesn't like him.  Hell, he wouldn't even take time off to go with me to the Urgent Care clinic when he knew I was totally freaked out about my neck issues and needed someone with me, why would I even expect him to take more time off work for my mom?  And it's not like I don't put up with enough crap from his family, ALL THE TIME.  Ugh.

I just can't seem to do anything right, I guess.  I make a statement, even in a joking manner, not remotely angry, and I get accused of trying to start a fight?!  How does that even happen?  So instead of continuing "the fight" by saying anything else, I'm probably going to be spending my Friday night sitting here alone on the couch, or in the office playing NexusTK or SWTOR.  Which is fine by me because I'm actually on a mission in Nexus to obtain two items, which involves hours of crafting via digging in the dirt (a.k.a. mining), because the drop is pretty random.

The underlying point of this post is... I just really miss my mom. 😢

A Futile Impasse

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Have you ever watched a TV show that you've invested a fair amount of time into, only to have it end up hitting far too close to home?  That's what's happening to me right now with a show on Netflix: Party of Five.  I feel like I've reached this impossible quandary where I don't know if I can continue, because it brings up these horrible memories that I've spent years attempting to forget.  Though no matter how much time goes by, I still remember every moment as if it happened yesterday.  How is it that only the terrible stuff sticks around? -sigh-

I'm about halfway into the 5th season when this storyline involving Julia (Neve Campbell) has started to develop and there are only 6 seasons in the whole series, so I feel like I'm too close to the end to just quit, but it's seriously taking an effort to watch what feels like a remake of my life from over ten years ago.  Ugh.  I initially started watching the show because ¹⁾ I'd never seen it before, even though it came out in the late 90's and ²⁾ it is based in San Francisco, which I thought would be cool to watch, since now I have actually been out there multiple times and somewhat know the area.  I've been annoyed with every one of the members of the Salinger family at least once so far, most specifically Charlie (Matthew Fox) because he's just a pompous asshole that only cares about himself.  I suppose I will just wait it out and see how the writers chose to deal with this situation that Julia's getting herself mixed up in.

You may think I'm just making too big a deal of this, but you can't really judge unless you have been in the same situation.  Trust me on that. 😉

Anyway... that's what has been on my mind today.  Until tomorrow!

Better Left Unsaid

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 I don't want to talk about today.  Trust me on this.  It's been horrible on almost every level.  Ugh.  And I just would rather not rehash ANY minute of it.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better, since the bar is obviously not set very high. 😔

Now I'm outta here, to watch This Is Us and forget that today ever happened.

New Fridge + Mom's Birthday + Left Out

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Whew, so today has been pretty busy.  We started out the day sleeping in until around 9:00am.  The hubby wanted to go to the gun range today (actually, yesterday but my neck was hurting too much) but decided instead that we needed to go looking for a new refrigerator, since ours is on its way out, as it is not pushing cold air as it should be.  It'd take a few hundred bucks to fix it, but we just decided to upgrade the whole thing instead.  Six years ago, we settled for that fridge, instead of getting what we really wanted, because we were not as financially stable back then.

So after a visit to The Home Depot and Lowe's, we ended up getting our new fridge at Best Buy, a 28 cubic feet GE model in black slate.  They didn't have it available for delivery until March 8th though, so I have to wait as patiently as I can for the next three weeks.  I can't wait to see it in our kitchen!

Just Tell Me It's Over Already

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So today has been a day of escaping the reality of my life... completely.  Whether that is through reading, playing SWTOR (I'm currently working on leveling my Jedi Knight) or just randomly staring into space, while I try to give myself a neck rub, the best that I can, because the husband won't help me whatsoever. (so much for that "in sickness" BS, huh?)  This whole neck thing is really annoying me.  It was especially difficult last night, attempting to pretend like nothing was bothering me, while we had the company over for dinner.  But alas, I am pretty much an expert at that.

Rainy Days & a Harsh Reminder

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Well, that rain that I mentioned yesterday?  It hasn't stopped since.  We now have small pools in our backyard, which complicates things for the dogs when doing their business out here.  Dozer gets out there, pees really quick and then immediately rushes back inside.  Neither of them are happy with this constant rainfall.  I think it's supposed to stop just long enough for the ground to dry, then start back up again at the beginning of next week. 😒

So, today is a bit of a harsh reminder for us.  It's a pretty significant birthday (21st) of my husband's daughter.  Next month marks two years since we've heard her voice, or even seen her.  It's just so incredibly sad how a person with such potential voluntarily decided to ruin her life.  My hubby actually just recently tried to help her with an issue, purely out of the goodness of his heart, only to be accused of actions that were entirely her own fault.  And she expects him to fix it.  She loves to blame everyone else for her problems.  Ugh.  After that stressful debacle, he says he is finally done with her.  I'm glad we haven't had to deal with that every day anymore, but I'm sad for the way things worked out.  To be honest, sometimes I even forget that she exists, until I'm reminded of something else she has screwed up for herself.  I know that sounds horrible, but sometimes the truth isn't pretty.

Other than that, it's a pretty typical day here.  I'm planning to finish washing pots & pans later this morning, before I have to start work in the early afternoon.  We're having meat pies with fries for dinner tonight, so I'm looking forward to that.  This is the last of our stash also, until the local chef who makes them has another event where he makes extra portions... so I'm going to savor every bite! 😋