Losing Time + Courage Boost

 I'm sitting here just watching the clock tick the minutes away... and really wishing I could just stop time completely.  I feel like that's what I need in order to get everything done.  Literally watching that time slip away right before my eyes just makes me think about all that stuff that I've either been too lazy to do, or just haven't had the time to even start.  It would help if I could win the lottery or suddenly find myself swimming in money so that I wouldn't have to work at all!  Let's face it, that in itself is a major time-killer. 😅  Usually feels like it's all for nothing also.  Just the same old shit, different days.  I'm really not meaning to sound so bitter though.  Lol.

So I'm working from home today because my office building will be testing out security alarms all day... I really miss the times when we did this for at least 50-75% of the month.  I felt like I could get so much more stuff done around the house, along with updating this blog as well.

I do feel like I've been more productive when it comes to reading though.  I don't have the specific amount of books that I've read this year, but I think it's been more than my previous attempts.  Have you ever been... scared to read a book?  Scared isn't the right word... maybe "apprehensive" describes the feeling better.  See, there's this brilliant TV show called The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart that I saw in 2023... and it just absolutely resonated with me on a deeply personal level - in both good and 'bad' ways (some particular scenes are VERY difficult for me to watch).  I found out that it was a book... and had it on my radar to read for awhile afterwards (because you know how much detail they have to omit for television/film adaptations), but I guess I had to build up the courage to actually buy it (which sounds ridiculous, I know).  And now that I have, it is slightly scary to me, because of how much I know it's going to bring up some old memories that I would rather leave buried in the past.  I'm still working up that same courage to start reading it...

Remembrance & Facing a Hard Truth

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So, for today's post, I'm actually just going to refer to my photoblog's latest entry, because it explains what I'm feeling, as this is always a kind of emotional day of remembrance for me.  It's been twenty-three years since the OKC Bombing took place at 9:02am, and I will always remember that day like it just happened yesterday.  As it says in that post, I can still hear my pup (😢) barking immediately afterwards, and feel the slight shaking of my house when it happened.  (I lived about 13 miles away at the time.)  I don't think I will ever not be able to remember those things.

Anyway... yesterday during the episode of Party of Five that I was watching on my lunch break, I involuntarily broke down crying and had to immediately hug Dozer (because he was out of his crate at the time), while watching the difficult scene of the siblings having to make the impossible decision to end their family dog's life.  And again, it took me right back to my past, to January 10, 2011 when my family had to make the same impossible decision.  And Mari's death at the end of 2016, when we weren't even able to be here to say a proper goodbye to her.  It also got me thinking about our other Irish setter and great dane, and how they are both getting too close to their later years, especially Dozer, who is already 5½ years old and his earliest life expectancy is only 3 more years.  😭  Death just sucks, to put it bluntly.

Ah, but I need to stop thinking about all that right now and get back to work.  So that's all I have for today.  Until tomorrow...

Positive Reinforcement

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Well today has been mildly productive.  We somewhat randomly decided to work on cleaning out the garage a bit more, so that we could move an old armchair out of the guest room before my mom gets here next month.  We're planning on either borrowing my brother-in-law's truck, or renting a U-Haul to cart it (and a few other larger furniture items) over to a dump next weekend.  It feels good to get stuff done like that.  It's crazy how cluttered our garage can get, what with just throwing things in there quickly and kind of forgetting about it.  We've got lots more to do in there, organizationally, but at least now we actually have the room to get it done.

I had last night to myself, seeing as the hubby went out with his brother to a local bar to watch the UFC fights, and that is just not my scene.  Never has been, really.  Anyway, I ended up finally getting around to watching La La Land, which came out in 2016, so I'm a little behind, haha.  I knew I wasn't going to get him to watch it with me, so I figured last night was the perfect time.  I love Ryan Gosling (and Emma Stone), so that was part of my reason for wanting to watch it in the first place.  I don't mind it being a musical.  Though I have to say it's not for everyone.  It got a bit weird in some places, but overall, I liked the dynamic of the movie.  Emma's style of singing felt slightly odd to me though, not sure if I liked it or not.

We also spent some of our free time this weekend watching the second season of The Santa Clarita Diet on Netflix.  It always reminds me how much I love Timothy Olyphant too!  His reaction to his wife's new 'condition' is just so amusing.  I love the daughter, Abby, as well, she's such a ... 'firecracker' is the first word that comes to mind.  And not just because of her red hair! 😛  Seriously though, how she stands up to a high school bully in the episode we last watched was great.

That's about all I have for tonight.  Also, I feel I should apologize slightly for my last post, but I just couldn't stop that flow of emotions. 😳

A Futile Impasse

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Have you ever watched a TV show that you've invested a fair amount of time into, only to have it end up hitting far too close to home?  That's what's happening to me right now with a show on Netflix: Party of Five.  I feel like I've reached this impossible quandary where I don't know if I can continue, because it brings up these horrible memories that I've spent years attempting to forget.  Though no matter how much time goes by, I still remember every moment as if it happened yesterday.  How is it that only the terrible stuff sticks around? -sigh-

I'm about halfway into the 5th season when this storyline involving Julia (Neve Campbell) has started to develop and there are only 6 seasons in the whole series, so I feel like I'm too close to the end to just quit, but it's seriously taking an effort to watch what feels like a remake of my life from over ten years ago.  Ugh.  I initially started watching the show because ¹⁾ I'd never seen it before, even though it came out in the late 90's and ²⁾ it is based in San Francisco, which I thought would be cool to watch, since now I have actually been out there multiple times and somewhat know the area.  I've been annoyed with every one of the members of the Salinger family at least once so far, most specifically Charlie (Matthew Fox) because he's just a pompous asshole that only cares about himself.  I suppose I will just wait it out and see how the writers chose to deal with this situation that Julia's getting herself mixed up in.

You may think I'm just making too big a deal of this, but you can't really judge unless you have been in the same situation.  Trust me on that. 😉

Anyway... that's what has been on my mind today.  Until tomorrow!

The 'Joy' of Jessica Jones

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Well, today started out pretty hopeful, with no trace of the pain in my neck when I woke up this morning, compared to the two previous ones where I could barely move my neck without excruciating pain.  I was so happy to have finally remembered what it was like to start the day without the pain.  Unfortunately, that feeling did not last.  Around 1:30pm, it all came rushing back, seemingly with a vengeance.  Ugh.  I'm so tired of this.  I really hope my body gets the hint soon.

On to other news, I was excited that the second season of Jessica Jones came out today!  I'd seen it every time I opened Netflix and couldn't wait for the hubby to get home so we could start watching. We ended up getting through the first three episodes before it was time for Chicago Fire, which was the conclusion of the crossover episode from Chicago PD, and I quickly realized that I was lost, since I'd been passed out from the muscle relaxant medication last night.  Oh well.  I loved the beginning of  Jessica Jones and I can't wait to see more!  She is definitely my favorite.

I need to attempt to get some sleep now, so goodnight, world. 😉

More Lazy, Less Stress Please

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And so ends our incredibly lazy weekend!  Seriously, we hardly accomplished anything, other than starting the process of cleaning out the fridge yesterday. (Which we did not finish today, I might add.)  But really, I feel that a lazy weekend was exactly what I needed right now, after the stress of this past week, with my neck issues. Still not feeling 100% in that department, but I feel like it's getting better, albeit extremely slowly.

I didn't even remember that today was the end of the Olympics either, until I saw the closing ceremony on the TV at the restaurant we tried out for the first time tonight for dinner. So that makes me happy that our shows are returning this week!  I've definitely missed having something substantial to watch every night.  We didn't end up watching any of the Olympics at all... it just didn't catch my interest this time.  Maybe in another 4 years.

My brother-in-law might be getting discharged this Wednesday. I'm sure he will be happy to finally get out of the hospital. The hubby thinks he won't ever go back to work, at least not doing what he was doing before (he ran his own business in the tile work industry). But even though he's going home, he'll still need someone around constantly, as he's not to the level of recovery where he can fend for himself yet.  I'm just happy he's doing well enough to be receiving a potential discharge date. 😊

Anyway, now I'm off to bed. Goodnight, world. 😴

Tears + Laughter = Emotional Rollercoaster

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Well... first off, that episode of This Is Us was totally gut-wrenching.  I'm not gonna lie, my eyes teared up more than once throughout the past 60 minutes.  Of course, the teasers during the Super Bowl didn't help, consistently reminding me that I would definitely find out exactly how my favorite character died.  Though I will say that the way they did it was very dramatic and respectful, and it worked with the vibe of the show.  It's just so incredibly sad how sudden he was taken from the world.

Errand Overflow

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Today turned out to be a busy day of running various errands.  Our first stop was a result of our visit to the outlet mall two weeks ago.  See, we had a small issue when visiting Kitchen Collection, in that they refused to sell an item at the promotional price that they were clearly advertising in one of their signs in the front window of the store.  The hubby had been thinking about buying the 6-quart stand mixer by Kitchen Aid, and after finding the color we wanted, the cashier proceeded to ring it up, only to find that it was coming up full price.  So we had him call the manager, who still said no.  So, after going over their heads to the regional manager to file a complaint, she made sure that we would indeed get the price that was promised, and she would have the store hold the mixer for us, for as long as we needed.

I'm Born To Indecision...

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So now is the time when this blog challenge gets down to the nitty-gritty, as the saying goes.  At least for me, because my weekdays tend to be pretty boring and tedious.  I do pretty much the same thing every day, in the same order with the same routine.  But I'm really going to try to pull something out that's at least semi-interesting.  I apologize in advance if it ends up just putting you to sleep instead! 😏

Lately, I have been feeling kind of off.  It's difficult to fully explain what I mean by that.  For example, yesterday afternoon, I kind of had a slight meltdown of indecision and insecurity while getting ready for dinner.  I changed my outfit about three times before settling on just a simple long-sleeved, v-neck black sweater (with jeans), then I proceeded to pick out a scarf to dress it up a little.  I couldn't decide if I wanted to wear my favorite infinity-style scarf, or a classic one with tassels on the ends, and after feeling like I'd apparently forgotten how to even wear a scarf, I decided to go without one altogether.  Then, minutes later, I went back to the tassels, deciding to give it another chance.  Now, you may say this is typically what happens to a girl when she's getting ready, but in that sense, I am not at all typical because it never happens to me.  Yes, I can be incredibly indecisive at times, but never to that extreme, and usually my indecisiveness does not involve clothing.

Of course, I was fine by the time I actually arrived at the restaurant, and nobody was around to witness my small stretch of insecurity beforehand, but I just hate that I let it get to me like that.

Anyway... I'm dreading next week's episode of This Is Us.  The last few minutes of last night's episode were difficult to watch, because it directly leads up to exactly what happened to Jack, when you see that shot of the batteries hanging out of the smoke alarm.  And while I do want to know how it played out, at the same time I don't, because it's so horribly tragic for the kids and Rebecca. 😟 Maybe I'm biased because I love Milo and how he portrays the patriarch of the Pearson family, though I know it's not the end for his character, seeing as how they flash in and out of different periods of the family's lives so much.  But it's still sad.

Credit for the title of this post: thanks to one of my absolute favorite Shinedown songs, Burning Bright. 💙