[Not So] Great Expectations

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 So that didn't last long.  I hate starting out my post like this but it's the truth.  I have ended up finishing at least one writing prompt though, and reading one book for the month of January.  I failed on the exercise though.  It's just difficult to be motivated, especially on the weeks that I'm actually leaving the house to work at the office, instead of at home.  (one week out of a three-week rotation)  I'm up between 4-4:30am to start getting ready, drive 35-40 mins to the office, work for [usually a stressful & busy] 8 hours, then a 45 minute drive home.  And it just makes me want to crawl into my house and nap.  

Anyway...

I'm going to start writing a 'history' of my life.  I've realized that there are some specific years that are just hazy and hard to remember, blurring together in my mind... and that bothers me.  Of course, there is a valid reason that I have blocked out these years.  Luckily I have kept up with a journal since I was 13 years old (and I still have them all intact).  Without that, I fear I would not remember anything.  But hopefully, this will be a good way for me to unlock some of those missing memories.  Though I can't guarantee a good outcome of doing so, but at least I'll feel better about it all.

Back in the Saddle ... again.

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 So I'm attempting to start 2022 on a positive note and get back in touch with my creative side.  I've spent far too long telling myself that I'm 'too busy' or just flat-out being lazy and not wanting to deal with my lack of inspiration or motivation... and I just need to stop.  Stop making excuses.  Stop lying to myself.  Stop allowing the laziness and actually embrace my talents.  Just STOP!

And I know most of it is just me being caught up in gaming, not because I have an addiction or anything but I think it's more of the fact that I set too many goals for what I want to do with my characters and then let myself get in too deep.  I have this bad habit of creating entirely too many characters, because I'll see or think of a name that I really like... and I'll have a different purpose for each of them... (I'm such a dork and actually have Excel spreadsheets to document this kind of stuff)

Anyway... but yes, enough is enough.  I wanna create again.  I want to feel that sense of pride and accomplishment in looking at what I just made and really enjoying the process.  I usually don't make resolutions at the new year, because I don't want to disappoint myself, which let's face it, is inevitable.  But I kind of did make those 'resolutions' this year.  I'm committed to actually using the writing prompts that I've been saving up for years (with a little support).  Maybe even write more here as well.  I'm going to open Photoshop more often.  I'm going to make time to exercise and get my heart rate up at least for 30 minutes of my day.  But I'm not going to think of these as resolutions.  They are just things that I'm going to do. 😊

Something New

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So let's just ignore the fact that I did not get off to the kind of start I wanted to this year, regarding that clean slate.  That being said, I've been thinking lately that I really need to get back into some type of writing every day, or at least as close to every day as I can possibly accomplish.  So to make it a little easier as far as what to write about, I thought I'd put together a list of journaling prompts to help me.  And I'll use one of those prompts every day (or time) that I write an entry here.  So we'll see how this goes.

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Something got me thinking about the online journals I used to maintain in the past, first on Angelfire, which actually led to the origin of my forum's title, which is kinda neat to remember.  I called it "Life, In a Nutshell" and I thought of each entry as a sort of 'nut' in my life that I explored (cracked) when opening the shell it hid behind.  Hence, "Crack Your Nuts."  Yeah, I know how corny that sounds.

After that, I used MySpace's journal feature, back when the site was hugely popular.  I miss those days sometimes.  Facebook was only available for eligible college students, at that time, and while I was in college then, I liked MySpace better.  Oh and I'm forgetting Xanga, that had to be my absolute favorite online journal option, mainly for their customization options.  There was a brief stint with LiveJournal as well, but I mainly just created an account there so that I could comment on other friends' journals.  I ended up using Facebook's journal feature also, as their popularity increased.

Anyway... I better get started on those prompts so I can hopefully start tomorrow at the beginning of a new month. 😉

Unforeseen

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✍ Contest Entry for NexusTK ✍

Prompt: When the goats took over...

(Keep in mind this was written in a roleplay format, relating to the game, so if there are some things that you don't fully understand, such as places, just go with it.)

The deafening sound infiltrated my ears as I lounged in the sheep fields in the middle of the Wilderness, my hair whipping behind my head as I lifted myself up to investigate this unsettling new development.  My faithful companion, Stormi, who is a bobcat, immediately pricked her ears up to listen more closely, her head rising from its resting spot on my leg, those gray eyes staring intently at the dark figures rapidly approaching in the distance.  The sound was growing louder with every passing moment.  Squinting in the brightness of the sun’s rays, I jumped to my feet, leaning closer, as if that would instantly reveal the source. 

The surrounding sheep, who had been peacefully sleeping or eating, much of what their daily lives consisted of, turned to gaze in the direction of that unpleasant sound. I felt the ground start to quake slightly, under the pressure of this imminent wall of darkness; the grass causing a tickling sensation where its tendrils had coiled around the toes of my bare feet. Before the smile could reach my face, I shook my feet free and slipped into my simple blue flats.

When the herd finally reached the edge of the fields, I could see them more clearly for what they were… mountain goats. As a whole, they were a chaos of colors: whites, grays, browns and blacks with backward curving horns of varying sizes, yet kind faces that seemed to depict pure innocence. Though I knew from firsthand experience that looks can be deceiving, and I steeled myself for a fight, keeping my strongest protection spell close at hand. There were hundreds of them, and though I was small for my age, I had plenty of courage to face whatever this was.

Queue the Butterflies

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-slowly inhales a large breath and exhales-

So.  I've officially completed the story and submitted it.  Which means the butterflies in my stomach will be wreaking havoc until Sunday when the winner is announced.  I'm slightly bummed though, because when I copied it into the game's mailing system, it was too long.  There was a length requirement that it had to fit within one page of mail, and no more than that.  So I had to majorly skim it down, keeping only the vital information needed.  But I did keep a copy of the original FULL story, which I will share here after the contest is over, since I can't post it until then.  Sooo look for that on Sunday's entry! 😁

I also updated my photoblog this morning (feel free to check that out via the link at the top), with photos that I'd taken from our drive to Oklahoma City back at the end of 2016/beginning of 2017.  I'm so behind on those posts, but I'm already planning another post for the 19th, as a tribute to the memorial of the tragedy that took place on that day 23 years ago (1995), so maybe I'll get caught up soon, if I stay motivated to keep updating.  Anyway, I'm always a little nervous when posting my photos on there, or really with sharing any of my artwork in general.  I don't think I'd make it as a professional in the arts scene, performing or otherwise, because I'm too self-conscious about my stuff.  Ugh. 😶

Especially where writing is concerned.  I always second-guess myself, after reading what I've written, and then have to rewrite and rewrite and rewrite until I'm blue in the face.  And it's a vicious cycle that makes me feel like I'll never get it to sound right.

Anyway... enough about that stuff!  I better go finish getting ready for Food Truck Thursday tonight!  My stomach is already growling! 😋

Grasping Inspiration Within a Game

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So I was looking through photos last night, planning out posts for my photoblog, and I realized that before this latest trip to Lake Tahoe last month, we hadn't taken a 'photography road trip' since April 2017 (excluding our drive to OKC at the end of November, that is).  Which sucks for a person like me, who loves taking photos of anything and everything... I really need to fix that.  Although I suppose I will next month, since my mom is going to be coming out here to visit for the majority of the month, and she's expecting to have at least one or two road-tripping 'adventures' while she's here.

In other news, I think I'm going to try competing in the weekly story or poetry contest in my game, Nexus.  If I win first or second place, or 2 honorable mentions, it'll fulfill what they call the "culture" trial in a quest to reach another major level.  And also, I just feel like writing, but I need some inspiration.  So I have the choice of writing a story from the prompt "When the goats took over..." (which makes me laugh 😄) or a poem about "Making mistakes."  Or both, maybe!  

So that's what I'll be working on for the rest of the day, until something else that I need to do comes up. 😊

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✍ What I've got so far ✍

The deafening sound infiltrated my ears as I lounged in the sheep fields in the middle of the wilderness, my hair whipping behind my head as I lifted myself up to investigate this unsettling new development.  My faithful companion, Stormi, who is a bobcat, immediately pricked her ears up to listen more closely, her head rising from its resting spot on my leg, those gray eyes staring intently at the dark figures rapidly approaching in the distance.  The sound was growing louder with every passing moment.  Squinting in the brightness of the sun’s rays, I jumped to my feet, leaning closer, as if that would instantly reveal the source.

The surrounding sheep, who had been peacefully sleeping or eating, much of what their daily lives consisted of, turned to gaze in the direction of that unpleasant sound.  I felt the ground start to quake slightly, under the pressure of this imminent wall of darkness; the grass causing a tickling sensation where its tendrils had coiled around the toes of my bare feet. 

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Not sure where I'm going with this just yet, but hopefully I'll figure it out before the 14th when it's due!

So I Used to Write Poetry...

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Today I'm going to share something a little out of the ordinary... there was a time when I used to write poetry, mainly back when I was a teenager, and the topics revolved mainly around relationships.  Writing has always been my way of coping with feelings and emotions that I couldn't otherwise express out loud.  So that's why most of my early poems include heartbreak and may have more of a sad vibe.

Anyway, the other day I discovered a lost poem that I'd written, probably in 2007 or 2008, for a poetry contest within NexusTK's weekly challenge.  This was part of a requirement needed to advance to the next level also, but I don't think I won with this poem.  I'm going to share it here because upon reading it again, I really thought I did a nice job with this. 😊  I don't feel like I could still write the same way nowadays, but... never say never, right?  Anyway, here it is:

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Untitled

I've never been an open book ~
The real me hidden deep beyond that first look
Complex yet simple, sealed shut tight
Cloaked in darkness, shielded from the light.

I was sure I'd never find
Someone to know my heart, soul and mind.
That special one determined enough to break through
The existence of a person I never knew.

    Until one sweet summer day
    When the spirits of love came out to play.

He took me by surprise,
Igniting an emotion I felt had reached its demise.
He dug at the seams of this closed book
Itching and scratching to get past that first look.

He gave me a reason to brighten my world
And the courage to let him see my feelings unfold.
With my soul set free, gone was the need to hide
Because of that wonderful feeling deep down inside.

An Unexpected Impression

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This morning started with coffee, andouille sausage, scrambled eggs and a random movie from 2002, Orange County.  It was actually a pretty endearing story, once you look past all the dysfunctionality of Shaun Brumder's family life.  There was a moment where he gets to meet the writer he's obsessed with, whose story changed Shaun's motivations from settling for being just another surfer kid with no aspirations in life, to wanting to be a serious writer himself and attend Stanford.  And this writer tells him something that resonated with me the moment I heard it:

Every great writer has a conflicted relationship with the place where he [or she] grew up.

It reminds me of my own hometown because while I love the place, I could never move back there.  Mostly because of certain things that trigger painful memories that I've spent a long time trying to forget.  Having to deal with that every day would constantly drain me emotionally and I can't intentionally do that to myself.  Anyway, I don't know if I'm a great writer, but at least this makes me believe that I'm on the right track! 😏